The Chronicles of Kellie

Prospects

2011-11-01T21:34:00.000-07:00

It would be nice to say I have a ton of dates lined up...the fact is...I don't. Over the summer, I joined match.com. I have no clue about dating sites. I have heard that match is looked upon like myspace. For those of you who don't understand, this means that I am looking for sex and not a relationship, which is so far from the truth. I had no clue that a certain website sent a certain message. I feel so naive. That said, I am paid up until December and am getting my moneys worth...LOL!

I am actually one of those few people who are looking for the innocent by-standard. I don't want a one night stand. Although, they may be quite hot. In the end, I am looking for someone who appreciates "me." Someone who truly likes the person I am.

I realize I have two kids. I have been married for 14 yrs. I have baggage! It sucks from a dating perspective, but its my life. And you know what, I am willing to except the fact that I may not find someone who is willing to put up with that.

I also need to find someone who is willing to put up with tax season. Thank goodness David is willing for the kids to live with him from January to April. My schedule is so crazy, and they need stability.

But whomever I date needs to be able to except that I am a tax preparer. It seems hot at first. The whole nerdy chic...naughty tax chic thing. But then tax season comes, and I work 80 hrs for several weeks. That's not so hot!

It would be nice to think I have prospects lined up for quite some time. The reality is...I don't. But that's ok. I am focusing on my kids and my career. Everything else will fall into place and I am not worrying another second about it.

To Date or to not date

2011-09-16T22:02:00.000-07:00

When is the right time to date someone once you have separated from your spouse? Especially when you know that there is no reconciliation. What if you meet someone who is worth dating only a month after you separate? Two months? Six months? Do you wait the "year" to pass before you even start to have a friendship? Or do you include this person in your life on a limited basis?

Perhaps what you are feeling for someone is just an illusion...a distorted reality from the emotions you are going through from your separation? I recognize that I cannot turn off 16 years worth of love for my husband, and I don't want to show disrespect.

I admit that I have this craving to be with someone. To connect with someone. I hate the idea of being alone. I so wish I could change that. I guess I ultimately like the idea of a partner. Someone I can share my life with. Someone who will inspire me to do things I normally would shy away from. The unfortunate thing is that I am seen as weak and always needing someone.

I also recognize that I am not ready to date seriously right now, but is it ok to connect with people who may be going through the same thing I am? Or go out with someone who may fit my future criteria?

My boss once told me that he can never tell if I am really handling the pressures of my job ok or not because I always seem to have it all together. The truth is I have a "never let them see you sweat" mentality. Unfortunately, it has bled into this part of my life as well. All the pain I feel inside I mask...I ignore...I go to extreme measures to replace the pain. So am I even ready for all of this?

I don't know if I am being fair with all these emotions going on. And if the guy is going through the same thing...are we being fair to each other? It seems to make the most sense to get things together...get emotionally stable...and then seek someone to date. That's what makes "sense."

Being sensible is the hard part. At times it seems sensible to go out and have a great time. It makes you feel happy! It makes you feel wanted and desired. How can that be so wrong?

To date or not date...that is the question!

The Next Chapter

2011-09-04T05:54:00.000-07:00

My husband and I have separated. This is not a trial separation. In one year, we will divorce. I never thought I would be in this situation. Hell, my parents have been married for 38 yrs and my grandparents almost 60 yrs.

So I find myself searching for who I am again. Although this time, my focus is different. I am scared to death of what the next chapters holds and yet also a little excited.

I wish I had felt this bold and confident years ago. I wish I had the courage to speak up. Who knows if I would still be at this place. Me being that way may have still lead to a divorce. I can wish all day for this and that, but I still face the same reality.

I'm ready for this new chapter. I don't want to be needy or codependent. I want this new chapter to be exciting and a time when I rebuild my self worth and confidence. The next chapter is going to be great...bring it on...lets get it on...come on!

Always a Mom

2011-05-05T20:31:00.002-07:00

When you are a stay-at-home mom, a dilemma occurs. On one hand, you are at home for the benefit of your family. No one can raise your children the way you would raise them. On the other hand, you want to feel successful in your own right.

You stay at home to give your children the best "care" possible. Teach them how to interact appropriately. Keep them away from the "mean" kids or those who don't know how to behave. You strive to keep them as pure and innocent as you can.

But once they go to school, a restlessness occurs. You have the desire to go back to work. You want to have a job, and yet, there is still a part of you that can't leave home. On one hand, you want to concentrate on yourself for a change, and on the other you can't help but think about your kids.

You miss the "adult" interaction. To compensate, you get involved with the school or other stay-at-home mom activities. You go to the gym or yoga. You make sure the house is immaculate. Homework is done. Everything is perfect. You feel like you have to justify your existence in order to stay at home.

But there is always this pressure when you stay at home. This feeling that you are not contributing. The thought that if you stay home, all you do is "play." No actual work gets accomplished. You have the life of luxury.

So you decide to take the plunge and go back to work. This will make you feel like you are contributing. You will prepare everyone and teach the kids how to cook and clean. It will be fine. You have done it. Why can't they?

But when the time comes that you go back to work, you wish desperately that you were back at home. You can't wear your PJs until noon. You have to put on makeup daily. There is no time to workout. And things around the house definitely don't get done. You start to wonder why you even took the job.

However, the money you make while working is so enjoyable, you find it hard to resist the urge to quite. The money gives you the opportunity to enjoy life. Makes the stress of money lessen.

But there is always the nagging feeling that you are neglecting your family. Your kids miss you. Your spouse misses you. However, do they miss you? Or do they miss what you do for them? Being a mother can bring you such pleasure. But at times, you can't help but think you are doing things for them...things they could very well do on their own. Is that helping or hurting?

I finally went back to work full-time this year. My family hates it. A lot more responsibility falls on them. But the extra income is fantastic. I feel like I am making a name for myself. I feel validated in my career.

Even so, I am still trying to find other ways to be closer to home. Whether it means changing offices or decreased hours. I can't help but try and find solutions that work for the family. At the end of the day...I am always a Mom.

Cycle of Life

2011-05-02T20:40:00.000-07:00

Could it be that we go through the same cycles of life over and over?

Miserable with your life to...make a change to...get comfortable with the change to...miserable that you are back where you started.?.

Yeah...its been a long time

2011-02-28T19:10:00.001-08:00

I had no idea it had been so long since I wrote a blog post. I think about writing all the time. It is a release. A way to write down all the craziness in my head. To vent. To share. To record. Oh how I miss blogging.

The biggest change this year is that I took on a job as a manager. What was I thinking? LOL. Was keeping things organized and running smoothly really that important. OMG...I am too OCD.

My boss, who has been a tax pro for 30 yrs, left my company...leaving a huge gap and large shoes to fill in my office. And guess who the number one pick was for filling her shoes? Me!!! Guess I am a glutton for punishment.

So far...it has been challenging...yet I have exceeded expectations. There were many in my company that couldn't wait for me to fail as a manager...oh well...hate to disappoint. (I don't understand people who rejoice in other people's misfortune). The nice thing is that my district manager as well as other managers were very welcoming.

One thing I have learned about myself is that I am good at "smoothing things over." One of my employees said to me, "Kellie, you should sell manure." I laughed and inquired why. "Because you talk so sweet and people buy whatever you say." I don't know if this is good or bad...but in the tax business it is working out quite nicely.

I feel like most of my days are filled with calming people down and putting things in perspective. It can be tiring...but I really enjoy it.

I know its been a long time.

The Juggles of Life

2010-03-16T17:59:00.000-07:00

Learning how to juggle home life and work has been quite a challenge. It is going to become even more difficult after next week because I am letting the maids go. I have had maids for 2 years now. I love the smell of Maid Day, which happens every two weeks in my house. The air even seems cleaner; it smells of bleach and furniture polish. Ahhhh!

But alas, I can't afford them anymore. Back to the days of dusting and cleaning the bathrooms...ugh! However, I do have children to help with such things. When I was a kid, I did so much more than what my kids are required to do. I remember coming home from sleepovers at 10:00 am on Saturday mornings just to complete chores. It is just part of life, and they need to learn responsibility.

Work is going great. It is nice to have a job where I look forward to going to. It is right up my alley. It can be quite hectic at times, but for the most part, it is not very stressful. My boss loves me and my mentor wishes I could be there everyday. I have really made a great impression there.

I have also started building a client base. I make sure I say, "Come back and see me next year." All of them so far, which happens to be 10, have said, "Oh yes. We will definitely come back and see you." Now whether they were honest is yet to be seen, but I am not worried. I know that I have the right personality for this job. I will build a client base in no time.

I love to see the other preparers with their yearly clients. Some clients have been coming back for 10 or more years to the same preparer. I want to be that kind of preparer. I love the line, "So how has your year been?" Such a simple question, but it shows the connection between the preparer and client.

I can see myself doing this for years to come. I have never felt like this toward a job before. Usually I get bored with jobs. However, everyday is a new day when you do taxes. Everyone has a different situation...a new problem to fix. I apparently love the change.

Those who know my father know how he loves to constantly change the furniture and rooms in our house. One day the living room became a bedroom, and after a month it was a living room again. I have come to realize that I like change.

The kids are handling me working this time very well. Last time, it was a little traumatic for them. I had always been at home and the one to take care of them. Now that they are older, they are learning how to be more grown up. I am trying hard to teach them to stand on their own two feet instead of depending on me for everything.

It takes a lot of effort to juggle life, but so far, I am doing it. It is not always easy, but I am doing the best I can and have high hopes for the future. As my favorite UFC referee John McCarthy says, "Let's get it on. Come On!"

Not Quite a Professional

2010-03-04T18:34:00.000-08:00

I have been a Tax Professional now for a month. Sounds so funny to hear someone call me that. I know that I know way more about taxes than the average person, but I am no where near an expert. To have someone call me a professional just doesn't feel right. However, my business cards do say...Kellie Vestal...Tax Associate. That's more like it.

I really, really like my job. The District Manager met me during the week of tax class. He must have been somewhat impressed with me because he placed me in the year round office to my boss's dismay. I have the greatest respect for my her. She has over 20 yrs of experience and is a great office manager. However, my first day on the job, I wasn't so sure.

I received an offer letter that told me to report on my first day of work to my location for training, which was mandatory, and that someone would be calling me to confirm the times. Since I didn't hear from my new boss, I decided to call her and introduce myself.

"Hi. I'm Kellie and will be coming to your office this week." Her response was not what I expected. "Well, I haven't received any information on who I am getting. I know I am getting someone. But until I know it is you for sure, there is nothing I can do for you."

WOW! I was speechless but I tried to remain as professional as I could. She was going to be my new boss and I had to win her over. I told her that I had received my offer letter with her location blah blah blah. She gave me almost the same response. So I thanked her for her time and hung up.

On my first day, I showed up anyway. She walked through the door and said...loudly...who is that? One of the receptionist explained to her who I was and why I was there. She was not happy. She immediately sent an email to the District Manager who in turn immediately called her. "I just want to be informed of what is going on in my office...Yes...I know what to do...there just has to be some sort of communication...I don't like surprises...well...if there were people who were competent in the main office..." This went on for 15 min or so.

She did not hold back or keep her voice down. I felt like crawling under the desk and hiding. What have I got myself into? Well, come to find out, I had landed myself in the best office in town. I am surrounded by senior tax professionals. Everyone is nice and friendly and helpful. I seem to fit right in.

After my third week, I was thanking one of the preparers for letting me watch his preparation. He said something that took me by surprise, "You have the perfect demeanor and attitude for this job. You are going to be very successful." What a confidence booster. I can see myself doing this as a career. Building up a client base. Having client's come to me year after year.

I know that it will take a while to get to the level of making a year's worth of salary in 4 months, but I have complete confidence in my abilities that I will get there. One day I will wear the title Tax Professional with pride. I recognize that I am just not quite a professional yet...but I will be...oh yes...I will be.

Tax class

2010-02-03T19:15:00.000-08:00

I was so pumped to go to tax class. Yes I am such a nerd. Who gets excited about taxes anyway? Well apparently I do. It was a memorable class to say the least.

It wasn't memorable because I did so well. It was memorable because of a person I will call crazy guy or CG for short. CG has been preparing taxes for 7 years and knows EVERYTHING about taxes or so he says. CG was very outspoken and sat beside me in class. By week's end, he was my partner and competitor.

On my first day, I walked in with my mug of coffee. I drink coffee every day. Sometimes, it is my breakfast. Not that I am meaning to only drink coffee...it just works out that way.

To my surprise, there was a coffee pot available to us. Rock On! Coffee at my disposal. This was going to be a great week indeed. After refilling my mug for the second time, I noticed that we needed more coffee. So like the good person that I am, I grabbed the coffee pot and went to get some water.

The woman's bathroom was occupied, so I stood there waiting for my turn. CG just happened to be going to the bathroom as well. The men's bathroom was located right beside the woman's. He noticed that I needed water and politely said to me, "Hey. You can get water from here. Oh and while you're in there, check out all the things they're saying about you on the walls." The only reply I could think to say, while also keeping my composure, was "Well, I hope they are good things."

Did he really just say that to me? And was this a sign of things to come? Yes and Yes! Everyday that week something interesting came from his mouth, whether it was shouting good morning across the parking lot or telling me how he couldn't wait to open his own tax office and hire a bunch of pretty women.

The class was a breeze. I flew threw all the required case studies and even did a few intermediate ones for kicks. Of course CG had to give us an advanced one. Most of the other students weren't quite into completing anything over the "required" amount and it took them forever to complete that. I was having fun working through the taxes problems and getting the right answers.

On Friday, we took our final exam before lunch. I had to pass this one with an 80% as well. I read through each problem carefully, trying not to miss any detail. "Ok...a couple...two kids...filing jointly...oh wait...there is alimony and child support from a previous marriage...ok...breathe...you got this." Every problem would have these minute details that you couldn't miss...one exemption isn't the same as two...married filing jointly is way different from married filing separate...blah blah blah.

After we finished the test, we were free to go to lunch. I was a ball of nerves. I went to McDonalds and played Sudoku to keep my mind occupied for two hours while the professor graded the tests.

When I got back to the room, ten minutes early, I happened to be the last one back. Apparently, everyone else was just as nervous. The teacher walked in with a solemn face. Omg...some of us didn't pass...I thought. He stood there for what felt like minutes, and I finally said, "Please put us out of our misery. Did we pass or not?" And with a straight face he said, "Yes. You all passed" and then busted out laughing.

Ahhh...relief...I had a job preparing taxes and something new to put on my resume. I had no idea which office they were going to put me in or what my hours were going to be. I could only hope that I would be put somewhere convenient and with people that I would enjoy working with. No matter what I am going to remain confident and have fun. And who knows...maybe CG and I will work in the same office...or maybe I will go postal instead!

Death and Taxes

2010-01-26T17:55:00.000-08:00

Two months ago I took an online test for H&R Block. It was the kind of test I hate most...timed and no feedback when you are done. I had an hour and a half to complete 50 questions.

One by one, I answered each of the questions with no idea what question I was on. There was a timer though that counted down by the second. Yes the pressure was on. The questions were only about 1040's...piece of cake. It was nothing like my Federal Taxation class where I had to read through scenario after scenario of complicated tax payer issues that involved minuscule details of the tax code that you had to know. Oh no...this dealt more with dependency and schedules...awesome!

It seemed as if I answered 100 questions. They just kept coming and coming. Once the time ran out, a screen popped up in the middle of what I was doing. It said something like, "Thank you for applying to H&R Block. A manager will contact you shortly if you have qualified to become a Tax Professional on our team." I felt good about the test.

In order to be considered for employment, you had to score at least 80%. But then two weeks went by, then a month had passed, and I had decided by xmas that I had indeed failed to hit the 80% mark. Then two weeks ago, I received a call. They were holding a tax class for those people who had passed the online test. YES! I did it! There is nothing worse than not knowing the results of a test and thinking you failed it. It felt so good to know I had passed.

So now I head to yet another tax class. Only this time, a job is involved. I have to go through 40 hrs and then take another exam, which I must also score 80% on. Will testing never end? As an accountant, I am going to be faced with various testing for years to come and might as well get used to it.

I have prepared taxes for years and really enjoy it actually. I hope that I can say the same in a month. Right now, I have to get through this class and to remember that "nothing is certain but death and taxes."

Another Year of Change

2009-12-31T11:12:00.000-08:00

Celebrating New Years always gives me the feeling of a fresh start. It is a time when I evaluate myself. Am I the person I want to be? What can I do to improve? Four years ago, I set out to change the person that I had become. I worked hard to change. It took me a little over a year, but I lost 75 pounds. I look back at pictures of myself and don't even recognize the person I see in them.

I feel the same way this year when I look back to the person I was a year ago. This time the focus was not on the outside. I was emotionally fragile. I had a lot of overwhelming circumstances that I did not know how to handle very well, and it took its toll on me. I have spent the majority of the year rebuilding myself; battling insecurity, rebuilding confidence, learning to trust completely, and having a balanced life.

I feel really good about the progress I have made. I feel confident and happy. But am I the person I want to be yet? No. I still have many areas that need improvement. This year my goal is to listen to those around me (I have a tendency to tune people out)...to trust in those that deserve trust...and to become physically stronger and toned. The comforting thing about having a blog is that I can write things like this. Although it is not easy, it frees me to admit that I have struggles in life.

So Happy New Year Kellie. Welcome to your fresh start and another year of change!

Metallica

2009-12-30T17:48:00.000-08:00

I debated for months whether or not to attend the Metallica concert in October. It had nothing to do with whether I wanted to see them or not. The hard part was parting with the cash to go. Tickets were $81 per person, and that was for the nose bleed section.

Those who know me, know that I have a hard time splurging on myself. But this was Metallica, which is my second favorite band of all time. The last time I saw Metallica was when they were the opening band for Guns N Roses, which is my favorite band of all time. How could I miss out on seeing Metallica?

So I finally gave in and decided to treat myself. Then there was the question of whether or not to go by myself. The concert was in Charlotte on a Sunday night. I am not afraid to do things by myself, but it is more fun to do things like this with someone. None of my friends seemed interested in going, and David definitely wouldn't go. Just not his cup of tea. The noise is just too much for his delicate ears. So back to the drawing board.

Then I thought of the perfect person...my nephew Kendrick. He has never been to a concert before, and we both love Metallica. I could not pass up the opportunity to see one of my favorite bands, be a cool aunt, and to treat Kenny Boy to his first concert. I even bought shirts for the two of us to wear. We were going to see Metallica. Rock On!!!

For weeks, we talked about the concert. I even purchased a DVD of their top songs and watched it over and over to be prepared. We were pumped. On the day of the concert, we paced the floors with anticipation. We had our shirts on. I had the "Rocker Chick" look. We were ready!!! So we decided to leave an hour earlier than planned because we just couldn't wait any longer.

When we arrived in Charlotte, we decided to waste our time by eating at Wild Wings before the concert started. It was packed with Metallica fans. Kendrick is such a fun person to hang out with. He is truly one of the most easygoing people I know. We had such a good time talking, watching people, and cracking jokes. After dinner, we made our way to the Arena to wait in line among the vast sea of people. I was worried that my camera would not be allowed in, but I made it through security without a hitch.

We climbed to the top of the Time Warner Arena and found our seats. The steps were so steep. Good thing I was sober! The stage was located right in the center. One of the opening bands happened to have Kendrick's favorite drummer. What a treat for him!

Then it was time for Metallica. Everyone was on their feet. I was so excited and giddy. Lasers were flashing. The crowd was screaming. Lars was on his feet banging on the drums. I could see Kirk running his hands up and down the frets. James is a super hottie, even from the height I was at. And Robert...I love the bass...so he rocks!!!

The second song...to my surprise...was Enter Sandman. I couldn't believe it. They played everything; from the old to the new. There was only one song I didn't know. I was in heaven, and Kenny was right there with me.

At the end, they dropped black beach balls from the ceiling...hundreds and hundreds of them. Lars handed out drum sticks. Kirk, Robert, and James threw out handfuls of guitar picks. I am sure several playlists were handed out as well. Made me wish I had paid more to be near the stage.

When we left the Arena, we were still pumped, which for me was a good thing since I had such a long drive home. It was definitely the right call to go see Metallica. I gave Kendrick a memory he will never forget, and I got to see one of my favorite bands live. Oh Metallica....Nothing Else Matters...Sad But True.

Good-bye Jacob

2009-11-09T08:09:00.000-08:00

Well I didn't expect to write a blog like this for quite sometime, but our hamster Jacob died on Saturday. When we took Jacob in, I knew he was two years old. Hamsters can live up to 3 yrs if they are lucky, and I had hoped that Jacob would be with us for a while.
When I think back over the past couple of weeks, I have noticed that he has been more lethargic and hasn't been eating as much. Then Stacy decided to give him his weekly bath, which is something I did not realize you weren't suppose to do. Apparently, Jacob caught a cold from this that he never quite recovered from.

We let Stacy purchase a new hamster to take his place. In his honor, we named him Jitterbug; keeping the "J" initial. We have also acquired another hamster that we name Jyro. Jitterbug bites and Jyro is too fast to hold because he is a miniature hamster. They WILL bend to my will...lol...Jitterbug WILL stop biting me and Jyro WILL let me hold him!

I miss Jacob. I miss being able to hold him and pet him and do whatever else I wanted to do. Good-bye Jacob. You will be greatly missed.

Halloween 2009

2009-10-31T10:41:00.000-07:00

This Halloween, David and I decided to dress up. He has never done that before, and I had not purchased a costume since losing my weight. When I was big, I had to settle for costumes like "Princess" or "Witch," and not the sexy versions. I had to pick the ones that were the most flattering...aka...didn't make me look as fat.

But this year was different. I could wear anything!!! K1, Colleen, and I headed to Walmart in search of costumes. Colleen is almost always a witch and was looking for a sexy witch costume. K1 had no clue, but knew her husband wanted to be a football player. I had no idea, but was excited at the idea of being anything I wanted.

When we got to the costume section, we quickly noticed that the choices were minimal, but acceptable, and not too expensive. I could be a "Naughty Nurse" or a "She Devil. But then I found the perfect one for me...the "Sassy Shooter." It was complete with shot glasses and a holster for the whiskey...rock on!!!

One thing about costumes that every woman should know is that the size that is displayed is not necessarily the size that it actually is. I have determined that a woman does not design these costumes. If so, the proportions would be more accurate. I, of course, chose size small, not realizing that the person who designed this outfit was a moron.

When I got home, I realized the designer couldn't have meant a size small for a woman. It must have been for a child. I ended up buying a larger size to accommodate my bust. Another thing about costumes is that they are too short and see through. To make it appropriate for my kids to see me in, I had to buy a bodice that went underneath.

David, on the other hand, had the right idea. He made a mask and used normal clothes to make his costume. He decided to be Rorschach from "Watchmen," which was a horrible movie. Rorschach, however, was awesome and the character that made the movie at least a little tolerable.

The question was how we could duplicate the mask. In the movie, the face pattern constantly changes. After much thought, he decided to use a T-shirt with cheese cloth on top. We would paint a pattern on them, which would hopefully create the texture and illusion we were looking for. It was awesome. David had the best costume by far. Kids were even afraid of him. One kid called him "The Scary Man."

People didn't even recognize me, which was due to my blonde hair. Instead of whiskey, I decided on having shooters. Not everyone can shoot whiskey like I can. I chose "Sex on the Beach" and "Lemon Drop." It was quite fun asking people if they wanted sex on the beach.

This was the best Halloween ever! Everyone dressed up. The men took the kids trick or treating. The women hung out on the driveway and passed out candy. Then we all partied it up; the kids playing video games and the adults with their favorite drink in hand. I think next year I will be a "Beer Wench." That shouldn't be too hard.

First Impressions

2009-10-07T14:14:00.000-07:00

I have been looking for a job over the past couple of months, which has not been nearly as easy as it was a few years ago. The market is flooded with professional accountants that are taking pay cuts just to have a job. Then there are the entry level jobs that I am too qualified for. Ugh!

One thing that gets on my nerves is my resume. How do you give a potential employer a glimpse of who you are through a sheet of paper? My resume sucks. Not to mention I hate bragging about myself. Couldn't I just post my picture in the top right corner? At least then they could see what I looked like and maybe my charming smile would get me to the interview stage.

If I could just get an interview, then my personalty would show through, they would fall in love with me, and "BAM," I would be hired. I finally had an interview the other day, and it went really well. My first interview was on Monday and a callback for a second interview on Wednesday. This whole process got me thinking about first impressions, if I made good ones, and how much I have changed over the years.

So I decided to go out on a limb and pose a question on facebook. What was your first impression of me when you met me? I received some interesting answers. Apparently, I am really bossy, but also sweet, cute, nice, perky, well-spoken, high-energy, and beautiful. This actually paints quite an accurate picture of the person I am. However, I am not nearly as bossy as I used to be though.

Surely with all these wonderful qualities someone will hire me! Now to figure out how to beef up my resume. Maybe I can use the bossiness I possess to say..."Hey! You will hire me or else!" Then again, I guess that doesn't leave a good first impression now does it?

Our Hamster Jacob

2009-10-07T13:05:00.001-07:00

About a month ago, I got a call from a neighbor who was wanting to get rid of their hamster. Stacy was ecstatic but I told her I would have to ask Dad. Even though I knew what the answer would be, I asked David if he wanted another pet and told him what kind of pet was in question. He got a huge grin on his face and said yes. So we welcomed Jacob the hamster into our home.

One nice thing about Stacy being in middle school is that she has learned about the importance of being responsible. We stressed to her that the only way we would allow her to have a pet was if she was going to take complete responsibility for Jacob, which meant feeding him as well as cleaning his cage. She was willing to do anything...she wanted all the responsibility she could get. So David and Stacy went to the store and got all the required materials to take care of Jacob

He is really a sweet hamster. You may wonder how I would know if he was sweet or not. Well, when I was a girl, I had a hamster named Critter. She was quite picky about when and how you held her, which meant she bit me quite often. It seems that we can do just about anything to Jacob at anytime and he will just let you do it.

I don't know why I feel I have to talk to him like he is a baby...but I do. "Hello Jacob. How are you today? You are so cute. Yes you are." Its crazy! I love to hold him and let him curl up in the fold of my arm or feed him a cashew and watch him stuff it in his mouth for later. He melts my heart.

So early this morning, I was passing by his cage and noticed he was hanging out of his food bowl. Usually by this time, he is fast asleep in his eatable hut. I leaned down to tell him good morning when I noticed he wasn't moving. At first, I was worried. But then I tapped on the cage and he jumped. He turned his head toward me with his eyes closed and then opened them wearily. He had fallen asleep while stuffing his face...literally...as Stacy would say...and I had woken him up.

With his cheeks packed with food for later, he climbed down from the bowl and headed to the hut. I laughed so hard. How cute was that? It reminded me of times when we would find one of the kids fast asleep somewhere around the house in funny poses....Linus fast asleep while eating dinner...Stacy hunched over with her head on the pillow and hands full of toys...moments that fill my heart with happiness and laughter.

Jacob is definitely a keeper! 'Cause he's so cute...yes he is.

My Graduation from Athens State

2009-09-08T09:44:00.000-07:00

It was going to be a long drive, but there was no way I was going to miss walking across the stage. It was the moment I had looked forward to the most over the past 4 years. The moment when I heard my name called and shook the hand of the Dean. I would finally be in possession of my Bachelor's degree.

Besides the kids and David, the only person who was able to go with me was my mom. My dad recently had back surgery and just couldn't make the trip. Whenever I take a trip now, my dad and I have a tradition. We go to Cracker Barrel and purchase peppermint sticks for the drive. This trip was no different. I bought 4 packs...2 for him and 2 for me...the first pack was for the trip down to Alabama and the second was for the trip home. I called him when I opened the pack so we could eat them together.

We left at 8:00 am sharp...luggage packed...cooler packed...kids ready...peppermint sticks in hand...a map...my cell phone...and my mother. I was so proud of my mother, who is notorious for being late, but she had all her ducks in a row for this trip. I did not allow snacking or drinks (a common practice on trips with my parents) to cut down on stops, which worked out perfectly.

Tennessee and Alabama were so beautiful...the mountains...the rocks...the valleys...the trees...the scenery was breathtaking. David and I were constantly pointing out spots along the way that would be perfect for a house and of course the lookout tower that he wants to build so he will have a good view.
The drive wasn't bad at all. In fact, the annoying part wasn't the kids or driving for 8 hours...it was the radio. First of all, you are driving through the mountains, which means you lose the stations frequently. Second, because you are jumping from station to station, you tend to hear the same songs over and over. I think I know all the words to "Poker Face" and "Second Chance" now. Lastly, it seems like every station plays country music, which is my least favorite genre. At least the one station I listened to had Darius Rucker singing his new song.

When planning this trip, I wanted to keep the costs as low as possible. Fortunately in the gas department, I lucked out. Gas was nearly 15 cents cheaper in TN and AL. I also found a good deal on a hotel room...$60 per night compared to $90 per night. Unfortunately, I chose a dump. Apparently when I was reading reviews for the hotel, it was for that particular hotel chain but the review was for one located in another city...a newer version...a cleaner, bug-free version. UGH!!! But don't worry...Lysol and Febreze came to the rescue...and it was only for one night.

After getting settled into our rooms, my mother and I went to the university to see the campus. This would be the first time I stepped foot on the grounds, which was an overwhelming experience. For two years, I have been a distance learning student. You become familiar with names, voices and writing styles, but it is all through the internet.

I didn't get to walk a couple of miles a day to and from class or stop by to chat with my professors (which I would do on a regular basis at GTCC) or have a study group at Starbucks or sit in the front row of the class like all good nerds do. I could only experience Athens State in the comfort of my own home.

I was like a little kid going somewhere I had been begging my parents to take me to. When we arrived at the campus, my heart was pounding and my eyes were tearing up. I was excited and nervous. This was the place that would become my alma mater. The campus was beautiful...100 yr old trees and flowers all around...old buildings that had been remodeled but still had creaky floors...the standard campus clock-tower...and brick sidewalks.

We went into the main building...just to peek really...when we ran into a lady in the office. We introduced ourselves and told her why we were there. She was amazed that I had come all the way from NC to graduate. I asked if she could check to see if one of my professors was in, and sure enough she was. So we followed the lady across campus to the building where the offices were located. Along the way, she told us about each building and showed me where I was to be in the morning for line up.

From down the hall, I recognized her voice. I had been listening to it for two years. But now I was finally going to put a face with the voice. Linda Hemingway is one of the best professors I have ever had. She is vibrant and really cares about her students success. I sat in her office for 45 min...talking about her Terrible Towel and my Pittsburgh roots...discussing the validity of distance learning and my experience...and my plans for a career in auditing.

We left professor Hemingway and headed to the place where all the graduates would be before the ceremony. There were about 160 chairs put out...with name tags on each one. I quickly found mine, which was in the very back...my full name...check...cleared for graduation...thank god...oh...honors...CUM LAUDE...rock on!!! According to my calculations, I was going to graduate with honors...but you never know. One thing I worked hard on was having good grades, and I was determined to graduate with honors...and I did it!!!

After taking a final glance at the campus, mom and I headed to pick the rest of the clan up for dinner. We found a really good Mexican place...Casa Blanca...great food...great atmosphere...and strong margaritas...ahhh! David and I went out later for drinks at a sports bar where the bartender and waitresses smoked and bugs crawled on the counter...ummm...there's no place like home...there's no place like home...tap tap tap...but we didn't stay too long, which worked out for the best since I had to get up so early in the morning.

I barely slept a wink. Not only was I excited about graduating, but the room beside us had a party until 4 am. David slept like a log. Despite the lack of sleep, I got up at 6 am perky and ready for my day. My clothes were ironed...cap and gown was ready...my makeup and essential jewelry were on...I was prepared to graduate...or so I thought. There was only one thing I forgot to prepare for...the humidity. So instead of flat ironing my hair...which is what you do when you have curly hair and its humid...I curled my hair. The curls were just right and perfectly placed...only to walk outside and turn to frizz. Oh well...still going to graduate...frizz or not.

We ate breakfast, packed the car, and headed to the campus. I had my cell phone with me so that I could text David and everyone else who couldn't be there. Texting can be very useful in times like this. David told me exactly where they were sitting so I wouldn't have to search the crowd aimlessly. It was also nice to have something to help pass the time while I waited.

Texting can also be quite entertaining. Like the moment I realized I had to get rid of my gum, and there was no trashcan in sight. I have a pet peeve about spitting out gum. Colleen thinks its funny. So of course when I texted her about my dilemma, her response was...spit it out! I told her that she couldn't make me, and I swallowed it. I was promptly informed that a gum tree would be growing in my stomach.

We were given strict instructions on how to act and what to expect during the ceremony. Then with ten minutes to spare, all the candidates for graduation lined up to march toward the ceremony. It didn't take me long to locate my family. I had a clear view of them from my seat, which was on the last row...perfect!

The ceremony was on the front lawn of the campus. It was a gorgeous morning. The sun was shining and no rain was in sight. Even though it was humid, it wasn't hot. But the mosquitoes were out and the ants invaded our chairs. Commencement speaker - short. She was an alumni who gave her whole speech by saying a word and then following it with an adjective....Tests - Complete...but as annoying as it was....it only lasted 3 min, which will go down as the shortest speech I have ever heard at a graduation.

I continued to text everyone...keeping them posted on my progress. It was such a memorable time for me as I received text after text from friends and family...cheering me on throughout the whole ceremony.

It was finally time for my row. My heart was pounding and my eyes were trying to gather tears, but I choked them back. This was the moment I had waited for. All I could think about was not tripping. My name was announced and off I went to shake the hand of the Dean. I almost forgot to stop and have my picture taken...I must have been texting about the gum issue when those instructions were given. I got back to my seat and waved my diploma case at my family. (I was to get my diploma after the ceremony) They were all so proud.

Then it was all over. I was a graduate. I had my bachelor's degree in accounting. I could now go out into the world and be an official bean counter. Could this be real? I am a real-live graduate now?

I had a similar feeling when I got married...I felt like I was really an adult that day...finally able to make my own decisions...didn't have a curfew anymore...didn't have to call my mother and tell her my whereabouts. I was all grown up.

That is how I felt on graduation day. I was all grown up, but now I was equipped to go into the workforce with a little power behind me. What has defined me for so long will not define any more. I have to keep telling myself that I am a graduate...I am not a student...I am a graduate. Well...at least until I go back to school for my masters...but for now...I Am A Graduate!!!

Candidate for Graduation

2009-08-24T11:52:00.000-07:00

This weekend I head to Athens, AL to graduate from Athens State University. It feels so strange to be "free" from the chains of college. School has defined me for the past 4 yrs.

There has always been a reason why I can't do this or that. Sorry...I can't go to the party...I have a test to take...sorry...I can't come up this weekend...too much homework to do. Even our vacations have included the school work component.

Not anymore. I am free from the 15 page papers...the discussion boards...the group projects...the homework...the quizzes...the timed multiple choice tests. It is the strangest feeling. I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING DUE!!! Usually at this time, I am jotting down my schedule for the semester, making posts, and reading a lot of material.

I will post another blog about my actual graduation because right now I am only a candidate for graduation. But by next week, I will be a graduate. Rock On!!!

My Unhappiness Started It All

2009-06-23T16:04:00.000-07:00

I started this blog a couple of years ago as a way to acknowledge the changes I was making within myself. I was not happy with the person I had become and was making a concerted effort to find the person of yesteryear...a person who was confident, secure, and happy.

I read an interesting article recently entitled "The Importance of Unhappiness for Happiness." One thing that struck a cord with me was this, "Unhappiness can act as the goad to get you to push through those barriers." I always strive to be a "happy" person. But I must acknowledge that had it not been for some really "unhappy" moments in my life I would not be who I am today.

I had some pretty traumatic things happen to me over the years. For better or worse, these events have shaped who I am. They are not always pleasant to remember, but I am learning to accept them and use them as a means to better myself.

My weight loss is one of the biggest areas of my life that I am thankful for being unhappy. It still blows my mind when I look back at pictures of myself. I truly do not even recognize myself. Being thin has been a mind changing event...from the way I look at food...to being able to handle how men treat me. The unhappiness in the person I had become is what drove me to change. How can I not be thankful for that unhappiness.

There have been some unhappy moments in my life this past year. But I must look at these moments as stepping stones to happiness. These moments have led me to seek out confidence, and humility...to be more upfront and speak my mind...and to appreciate the people around me. If I had been complacent in my behavior or in the way others were treating me, my unhappiness would have never evolved. I would have painted on a smile without truly feeling like smiling.

As much as I don't like being unhappy, I guess I will have a positive view when I am feeling that way. I will remember that it is a building block to being happy. I will use the unhappiness to become a better person...just like I did when I started this blog...because after all dear readers...my unhappiness started it all.

The Porch

2009-05-24T09:15:00.000-07:00

There is a place that over the past 3 years I have looked forward to going almost everyday. This is a special place where anything can be said without penalty or judgment. Words spoken will never leave the confines of this place.

So where is this magical place? My neighbor's porch. Who knew choosing a house plan that included a porch would have been such a valuable asset to my life. My house does not come with one of these places...mine has a driveway, which doesn't quite hold the same effect. My driveway is where all the kids play. (Thats another blog in itself!)

From the porch, all the comings and goings of the neighborhood can be viewed within one quick glance around. Cars driving by get a friendly wave. Kids are yelled at, shooed away, and warned that a car is approaching with screams of "CAR." Drinks are drunk and held up in toasts, and when they run out more is retrieved. Plans are made, and events are planned.

I learn cool things about my friends and their struggles of life. I get advice on raising my kids or what TV show I need to watch. I catch up on all the latest gossip and share my wealth of information as well. I learn that I am a normal mother and that it is okay to have alone time.

I can be myself in every way and know that tomorrow I can return to my spot and rock away.

Catching Up

2009-05-22T09:18:00.000-07:00

I have been really bad about posting in my blog the past 5 months. Its one of those things where something cool will happen or is said or a cool thought will come across my mind and I think "Man...I need to blog about this." But those things never get put down because I left off at the Cookie Exchange, and I want to keep things in order. So, I am at the point now where I am just going to give a brief summary of cool things that have happened, add in a few cool pics, and move along. Will that suit everyone?

In January, I took a trip to Connecticut to visit my Aunt Tricia and cousins Jeremy and Daniel. The great thing was that I got to fly instead of drive for 12 hrs to get there. This way of travel rocks, and I have decided that I will never drive it again. I also got to see something that is rare to High Point, NC...SNOW! It was so beautiful. Of course my cousins had to show off. They took me out to empty parking lots and did doughnuts and spin outs. Funny thing is I wasn't even scared because I knew they were experienced at it.

I even got to go to a party with them. I liked their friends trying to guess how old I was. I think the general consensus was 28...I'll take it...and they were surprised to learn that I was actually 32, married and had two kids. I just love it when that happens. I think the average age that night was 25.

It is nice that my cousins and I are all older now and can hang out as adults. I like that we can drink, carry on adult conversations, and just have a good time being with each other. I have a very small family, so I cherish times like these. I don't get to be with them very often, but when I am, I feel so much love for them and from them. It doesn't matter that they live so far away and that we see each other once a year or so. We are family, and that is all that matters.
We also held a party at our house for the Presidential Inauguration. We played games, listened to part of the speech, drank, and of course watched David stack things. This is always a highlight for me during our parties. No matter what we are doing around the table, David will find objects and stack them. He stacked beer bottles that night and made it up to four before the tower fell.

In February, we held a Valentine's party. We had about 20 people there. David and I decided to grill hamburgers, which we are still learning how to do. We are not like our other fancy neighbors who have gas grills...we have a Weber!

My nephew Kendrick is the best Guitar Hero player ever! Everyone stood around and watched him play Through the Fire and Flames on Expert. Mouths were wide-opened. We also played as a band with Kendrick on drums, me on guitar, David or Jeff on vocals, and one the various kids playing bass. I felt like a true rocker chic that night.

March was full of fun. We got snow within the first couple of days!!! Linus was outside at 7:30 a.m. preparing for a snowball fight. The snow wasn't quite right for that, but it didn't matter...it was snow. They both stayed out for hours.

The kids also had a blast sledding. My house is at the bottom of a hill and is flat, which is where all the kids normally play. Colleen, however, is at the top of a hill. So all the kids went to her house for a change to sled. They spent a long time packing down the snow. Some of the boys decided to just build forts instead of going through all that trouble. I watched them for awhile and then headed insided with Colleen...coffee for me and tea for her.

There is one thing I always do when it snows...make hot chocolate with marshmellows. The kids know the drill too. They go outside and play until they are ready to come in for awhile. I always have the hot water ready and all of the stuff to make it. They even know how many scoops to use. I hope that this will be one of those traditions and memories that will stick with them.

We also made Sushi for the first time at Colleen's house that month. The first few we made didn't look to pretty, but then we got the hang of it. Colleen rolls them perfectly. It amazed me how few ingredients you actually need to make it yourself. Some of the ingredients we didn't even bother rolling up....we just ate it instead. We stuffed ourselves that night.

My cousin Ashton had her bridal shower and bachelorette party mid-March. The bridal shower was just like they all are...full of gifts, games, and food. The bachelorette party, on the other hand, was an experience I will never forget. About 26 girls went to Chili's for supper. We were all wearing pink, white, and black. Some of the gifts Ashton opened were tame while others were on the sexual side of things...no surprise there right?

One such gift was a pack of penis straws. My grandmother took out a straw, placed it in her cup, and drank from it. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. She is such a good sport!

After Chili's, a smaller group of us headed to a club to dance the night away. Ashton asked me what kind of shots she should do, and my response was "Buttery Nipples Baby!" I also included the proper hand motions for effect. This is a phrase that I will never live down.

The month ended with Colleen's birthday. We went to Chili's for supper...because our friend Jeff (or Bunker as he is known in the Chili's world) is a big dog there, and he hooked us ladies up with margarita T-shirts...thanks Jeff. Then we headed for the Comedy Zone. The first guy was so bad no one was laughing...it was painful. I felt really bad for the guy. But then Mutzie came to the stage to rescue the night. I laughed so hard my sides were hurting.

April is always a busy month for me. After doing sushi with Colleen, I decided I wanted to do that for my birthday. It was perfect for my party. Everyone jumped in and made their own rolls. It was so much fun. I even made sure I had plenty of veggies for those who weren't daring enough to eat Sashimi.

I got some really cool gifts too! Gentleman Jack (my new favorite liquor), Beer Pong balls, a book about friendship (hugs to K1), and Settlers of Catan (my new favorite game). Of course we had to use my new ping pong balls...so we played beer pong...boys vs girls. The boys won. After that loss, I had to bring out the jello shots to bring happiness to all. My sister thought it would be funny to put whip cream down my shirt...thanks sis! We ended the night with a game of poker...good game for a bunch of drunks to play...ha ha!

I went with David to see Death Cab for Cutie, which was our first concert together. I didn't know many of the songs, but it was a fun night out with him. Then for Shannon's birthday, I went with her to see Blue October. While we were standing in line, one of the bouncers came around checking IDs. When he got to Shannon she said, "Hey you should let me be the first one through the door since it is my birthday." HE LET US!!! We were front and center for the whole concert. I even got a drum stick out of it. That rocks!

David and I took our second vacation together alone while the kids stayed with various family members. We went to the Outer Banks and camped out in our van. Yes...our van...in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Funny thing is that we weren't the only ones. We went all over...Jockey's Ridge...Wright Brothers Memorial...the various lighthouses...and many different restaurants.

The point of sleeping in the van was so we could spend money eating out. It worked out nicely. We had a blast. Trips like that make me really look forward to the kids getting older when David and I will have time alone to do things again.

This month has been just as busy. David and I went to our second concert together...Brandi Carlile. It was a small and intimate concert. The Art Center in Carrboro held about 250 people. Brandi is really funny and her voice is so pure. I even got hit on by several lesbians...I must have looked hot!

I love surprise parties. My friend Melissa got one last weekend. She had no idea. In fact, she noticed her husband was doing a lot of cleaning but thought his parents were coming to town. Another friend took her out to a wine bar. We arrived before she got home and hid. The look on her face when we yelled surprise was perfect.

This year, more than ever before, I have learned the value of good friends. I don't need 20 friends to be happy. Just a few that I can trust. As K1 puts it...the kind you can call to bail you out of jail. I know that no matter what I say, there will never be a judgment or harsh word. I can be myself, and they will like me because I am unique.

So now my dear readers...I have caught you up on my life these past 5 months. See why I haven't blogged?

The Cookie Exchange

2008-12-12T13:41:00.000-08:00

Christmas time is one of my favorite times of the year. I enjoy the music, the baking, and the get togethers with family and friends. This year I decided to try something new. I hosted a Cookie Exchange.

The idea is for everyone to bake a few dozen cookies or some other type of sweet to share, and each family would take home a goodie bag of all the different sweets. I also had several types of drinks on hand as well; hot chocolate and milk for the kids, wine and mixed drinks for the adults.
I love to cook.

My neighbors love to pick at me for being "Susie Homemaker," but they seemed to like this idea. To my surprise, some of them actually made goodies and they were really good. I was so proud of them.

We all sat around, laughed and gossiped. We talked about our families and what the holidays had in store for us. We discussed how as our children get older, their toys get more and more expensive. Long gone are the days when we can buy our kids dollar store type gifts.

We sent all the kids home with their goodies around 9:00 pm and called for all the husbands to come join us. The men brought beer, and we laughed some more over a friendly game of poker.

Events like this really draw you closer to your friends and even introduce new friendships. One such friendship started that night. Melissa is a neighbor who I have met at several events, but have never had the chance to get to know. Well that night I found out how fun she is to be around. She is an English teacher at a local high school and is very witty.

My other two friends, Kelly #1 and Colleen, are irreplaceable. We have known each other for almost 3 years now and have participated in dozens of events together. With each event, I am reminded of how special they are to me and how things just wouldn't be the same without them.

I know we won't be neighbors forever, but I do hope that our friendships will remain intact no matter where life takes us. So I guess this Cookie Exchange idea was a good one afterall.

Reliving Band Days Part II

2008-11-07T09:13:00.000-08:00

Jennifer told me that she went back to her old alma mater every year for alumni band day. I thought that was really neat. When I found out she was going by herself, I asked if I could tag along. I even volunteered to be her chauffeur.

She picked me up on Halloween of all days. This would be the first one I missed spending with my kids, but they are old enough now that they don’t need me anymore. I gave Jennifer extremely detailed directions to my house, which she found without a hitch. She gets nervous about directions and was very pleased to find mine so easy.

After laying down the rules with the kids, we were off to Western Carolina University…home of the Catamounts. Jennifer even sang their fight song for me, and we listened to Pride of the Mountains Marching Band the whole way up. It was really cool. We are both major band geeks and were in our element. She would even go through some of the motions of the flag line.

It took us almost 4 hours to get there, but the time just flew by. We talked about everything and everyone under the sun. It was great. It was amazing how much detail about people she remembered, especially phone numbers…actually anything that had to do with numbers. We went to the hotel first to drop off our things, and then we headed to the campus.

When she was at WCU, she worked at the bookstore, which is the first place we went to. She saw some of her old co-workers and reminisced about the good old days. Of course, I had to get something for the kids and buy myself a T-shirt for the big day tomorrow.

After the bookstore, we drove over to where the game would be held on Saturday and we scoped out where we would park in the morning. Then we headed to get something to eat.

When we got back to our hotel room, we settled in for the night. We discussed the proper way to fold t-shirts and arrange a sock drawer, caught up on all the gossip we could think of, and finally tried to watch 27 dresses. I think I made it to dress #5 before I fell asleep.

I gave her quite the surprise when I got up at the crack of dawn, took my shower, and was ready for breakfast by 7:00. Apparently, her other tag alongs haven't been so keen on being on time to this event. But I am almost as organized as she is so we were a perfect pair on this trip.

Jennifer told me to go to Lowes and buy Toasty Toes and some hand warmers to help keep warm. They really helped. It was so cold that morning. The field was positioned so that it was in the shade. The sun wouldn't shine on the field until noon. She signed in and received her packet of info about the day's activities. Then we made our way up to the stands to get a better view of the band.

One by one the band members showed up. Some of them were wearing shorts and short-sleeved shirts. I had on jeans with long johns underneath, a short-sleeved t-shirt with a long-sleeved shirt under that, a wool sweater, a scarf, and a pair of gloves. I was barely keeping warm. But at least I had my toasty toes and my hand warmers!!!

Jennifer and I walked around from section to section listening to each of the groups warm-up. She knew several of the people there, and so with each one she would stop and say a hello.

Even though I am a tuba player...I love the drum line. I can't play the drums, but I love to listen to a good drum line, and these guys were awesome. The drum line is the life of the band. They are the ones you will see doing the crazy stuff that keeps everyone laughing.

Their antics also transfer to their playing. You will often see drummers playing off of each others drums or doing tricks with their sticks or taking turns being spontaneous with a beat. I just love the drum line!

We sat there for a couple of hours watching them perform, and like every good band...they started over a dozen or more times. You could even hear the sighs. I remember back when I was in band. There would always be one or two people that would cause us to start over. It was very frustrating because all you want to do is get practice over with.

As a Pride of the Mountains Marching Band member, who has to be there at 8:00 am on a Saturday morning for practice, only to get a 1 hr break before getting ready for yet another practice before the game, you definitely wanted to get it over with.

For lunch, we ate in the cafeteria near the clock tower. I mention this only because I was not wearing my watch and asked Jennifer what time it was. She busted out laughing. I truly had a blond moment. I didn't see a clock in the room and couldn't figure out why she was laughing. It took me a few minutes to remember clock tower. That is one memory she will never let me forget.

During the game, we sat on the opposite side of where we were that morning. That is where the band sat as well. They played all throughout the game and had certain songs for certain plays. Unlike the morning, now the sun was out, and we no longer needed our toasty toes and hand warmers. Not only was the weather nice, but I was watching football, my favorite sport. Low and behold the Catamounts even won that day.

But the highlight of that day came at the very end. The band went out on the field to perform, turned toward us, and performed their show in its entirety. It is amazing how many things I didn't see during the first dozen times I saw it. I tried hard to focus on a different section that I hadn't payed attention to before.

Below is the link to the 2008 show they performed in Indy. Jennifer...get ready...I am going with you this year too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_v6MrsMcjU

Reliving Band Days Part 1

2008-11-05T17:32:00.000-08:00

This fall I have been reliving my band days. Band for me started in 6th grade. I chose the flute as my instrument. I was quite good at it and sat 1st or 2nd chair that year.

But in 7th grade things changed. My band director needed a Tuba player. I can only imagine how his calculating mind was working at the time. He probably thought something like this, "Let's see. Who can I talk into playing the tuba? Who is expendable? Who would be gullible enough to change instruments and think it was a really cool idea? Kellie Blotzer seems to be gullible enough. Let's try her."

So here's how he presented it to me. "Did you know that flute players make excellent tuba players because of the way they hold their mouths?" Now in retrospect I realize this was a load of crap, but back then I ate it up. I thought playing the tuba was a really cool idea. Girls didn't play low brass instruments normally. So I would be special. I was all about being different from the norm.

It turned out to be one of the best things I ever did. I loved the tuba. In 9th grade, I was in a quartet and received the "Rookie of the Year Award." Starting in 10th grade, I was a section leader.

I lived for band. The rolling of the feet. The smell of a crisp fall evening. The Friday night football games and Saturday competitions. The sound of powerful notes booming across the field. Horn flashes. The guard throwing rifles in the air or twirling cool flags. The sound of our drum line’s cadence. The thrill of winning a "march-off."

An old high school friend of mine, Jennifer, found me on facebook back in the summer. It wasn't long before we began exchanging band memories and gossiping about the good old days.We decided we were going to go to an old high school football game and watch the band play. The one we picked just happened to be against our rival school J.F. Webb.

South Granville was undefeated until that night. But there was a good side to us sitting through a boring game. J.F. Webb brought their band as well. So we not only walked into the stadium with the band, which means we got in for free, but we also got to see two bands perform that night. The bands also performed together for the SSB and fight song. It was really cool to see the bands come together and hi-five each other instead of flip each other the bird.

Webb had a good sized band. They always have actually and as usual sounded wonderful. SGHS was really small and decent, but nothing like it was when I was there. Plus, their cadance has changed. Not the really cool one we had. The uniforms were also different and Duke blue. Our school colors are Carolina blue and white. To have uniforms Duke blue is just not right. Apparently, the band director or two ago was a big Duke fan and decided the uniforms needed to reflect that.

On a non-band note, cheerleaders at a football game are supposed to look like cheerleaders. They are supposed to wear short skirts with tight tops. If it is cold, then they can wear a long-sleeved shirt underneath the top. An added touch is when they all have bows in their hair, sparkly stuff on their cheeks, and big cheesy smiles. And lets not forget the pompoms. I guess the SGHS cheerleaders didn’t get the cheerleader protocol memo. They were all wearing different colored shirts with jeans. No bows. No short skirts. And no pompoms. So a new peeve of mine is when cheerleaders don’t look like cheerleaders.

Jennifer and I had a blast. We not only pulled names from the past and talked about what people were doing now, but we also renewed an old friendship and discovered how compatible we were. When the game ended, we took a walk through the school to the band room. We actually got a little lost. My junior year they added a new section onto the school; an extra gym, an auditorium, and a band room. I rarely went that way because it was on the freshmen side of the school. The once crisp white walls were now all marked up and dingy. We stood in the band room for awhile, watching the putting away of equipment, and then decided to head out.

Only the true bank geeks know how cool it feels to watch a band perform. It was nice to reconnect with someone who was just as passionate about band as I am. Jennifer came up with the perfect name for us...BFFs...Band Freaks Forever...yes it is very fitting. Jennifer and I are truly BFFs.

Can't Live Without Them

2008-09-24T11:24:00.000-07:00

Many of you have complained because I have been slack with regard to my blogging duties. I wish to submit a formal apology and promise to do better from here on out. I will publish a good post soon, but for now, I will share a cute story about the kids.

The kids love to go to McDonalds. When I was working, it was a common thing to go out. Now that I am back at home, I cook all the meals. We tend to go out when there is a special occasion, but then it usually isn't McDonalds that we go to.

Last Saturday, Linus had flag football practice that ended around lunchtime. So without a word, I drove straight to McDonalds. When I pulled in the parking lot, Stacy and Linus were ecstatic. The praises went on and on..."You're the best mom...We love you mom...Thanks mom." I haven't felt so much appreciation for just taking them to McDonalds in my 10 years of being a mom. They really were happy.

Later on that evening, Stacy wanted to use my computer. She made me a sign that read, "Best Mom Ever." The sign had a picture of a bird, some roses and a graduating girl on it. She said she made it as a way of letting me know how much she loved me and was happy that I had taken her to McDonalds.

Sometimes being a mom is overwhelming. Kids have a way of consuming your whole life, and they don't always appreciate what you do for them.

I usually give newly married couples the advice to wait to have kids and to enjoy their time alone because once you have kids you have no time for yourself.

Then there are times when your kids tug at your heart strings, and you can't imagine life without them.

Don't get me wrong, I do look forward to the day when they are grown up and start their own lives. But I will be there for them and with them every step of the way because I just can't live without them.

A Story for the Books

2008-07-16T14:59:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, I packed David's suitcase for a business trip to Denver. This trip was only going to be for four days, so I packed very lightly.

Compared to China, this trip would be a breeze.

The very first trip David went on, which was also to Denver, was for a week. When we got to the airport and started unloading, David gave each of the kids a hug and kiss and started to walk away. All of the sudden, Stacy screams "DADDY!!!" She started to cry and hugged him tight. He reassured her that he loved her, would be home soon, and would talk to her online. It was a really long week for us.

Then David went to China for a month. It was a good thing I was home during that time and not working. It was very stressful. When we dropped him off at the airport that time, David gave hugs and kisses, and there were no tears.

One of the best ideas David had was to take a small item from each of us and take pictures with that item. Stacy gave him a Littlest Pet Shop dog, Linus gave him a dolphin, and I gave him a heart-shaped pendant with my name on it. This time we got to the airport and dropped him off like he was going to work. Pretty much just a wave and an " I love you."

When it came to the airplane part of the other trips, everything went well. But on this flight, David has a story for the books. I dropped David off at 3:00 p.m., which was an hour before his flight. On his other trips, I usually get on the computer as soon as I get home and check the flight status constantly. I didn't do that this time. At 5:30, I get a call from David, which I thought was from Charlotte.

"Have you been checking on my flight?"

"No. Why?"

"Because I am back in Greensboro."

"You're kidding me."

He went on to tell me how they were 30 minutes in flight when the captain announced that bad weather had grounded the planes in Charlotte, they were running out of gas, and they would be returning to Greensboro. Now this was only a 48 minute flight to Charlotte. Why they didn't just keep going is beyond me.

Isn't it standard protocol to check the gas before take-off? Maybe the pilots had a bet going to see if they could make it Charlotte on a quarter of a tank. Who knows.

So David stands in line for two hours at United trying to get the next flight. By this time, he has missed his connecting flight in Charlotte. The next available flight was the following morning at 5 a.m. and then one at 10:55 a.m. David took the 10:55 option and called for me to come get him. Several people on the flight were really pissed. Most of them could have driven to Charlotte to make their other flights.

The next day's flight was slightly delayed, but he was able to make his connecting flight this time. He is due to come home on Thursday. I hope he comes home when he is suppose to. Maybe he should check with the stewardesses to make sure they have enough gas just in case.

Our vacation in Mason

2008-07-14T04:25:00.000-07:00

I just got back from vacation in Mason, Ohio where David's brother Lonnie lives with his wife Jill and children Levi and Reagan. It had been two years since I had seen them. Their kids were absolutely adorable.

I have this desire to be a really good aunt. I want the kids to have fond memories of me, but I am always afraid that this may not come to fruition. But with Levi and Reagan, it didn't take long for them to warm up to me at all, especially after I pulled out THE TOYS.

I gave Reagan her first tea set. I think every little girl should have a tea set. It was the Disney kind where you put all the tea pot pieces into a larger tea pot for easy storage. I also gave her a purse and cell phone. Reagan knew exactly how to carry the purse on her arm and was constantly talking to someone on her phone.

Levi's gift was a Buzz Lightyear shirt, cup and cell phone. He really liked the shirt, and he would pretend he was taking pictures with his phone. But the teapot stole the show. Both of them played with it the whole time we were there.

One day I decided to take them to the playground. I had planned to read while watching them play, but Reagan made my heart skip too many beats.

Reagan decided to climb the rock wall, which would have been fine except I was on the other side of the playground helping Levi. My heart sank. I just knew this was going to be the day someone gets hurt on my watch.

But to my surprise, she shot up the wall without any tears or trouble. Once she got to the top, she headed straight for the slide. Then she would do it all over again. One thing I learned about her is that she has no fear and is very strong. It was absolutely amazing to watch her.

One of the highlights for my kids was going to the Waffle House. Believe it or not, they have never been to one. Lonnie is currently a manager there, so we just HAD to go a couple of times. Their favorite thing to get was a Double Chocolate Chip Waffle coated in butter and syrup. I don't even want to know the calorie count of that one.

On our last full day, we went to the Cincinnati Zoo. All of their exhibits made you feel really close to the animals, and all of the animals were out and about, which is very rare at our zoo back home in the summer.

We saw cheetahs run, polar bears swim, lemurs leap, monkeys swing, elephants bathe, and rhinos stare back at us. We also rode the train and tram a couple of times to rest our weary legs.

That night we brought out the sparklers. Levi and Reagan had never done them before. They had a blast making circles in the air. It is a good thing we brought a lot of them. Linus would get two and at time and pretend he was fighting a battle.

There are so many more things I could write about our trip. Going to Jungle Jim's in itself is worth its own blog entry. Or how Drew almost got hit by a car.

Leaving was so hard. None of us wanted to say goodbye. When Levi and Reagan saw us packing our things, they went to get their shoes on because they wanted to go too. Lonnie and Jill are two of my favorite people to be around. They make every occasion a memorable one and always make you feel welcomed and loved. Mason will definitely be a vacation hot spot for us from now on.

Soccer Mom

2008-06-05T18:15:00.000-07:00

I am officially a "soccer mom." I have the van, the soccer kids, the car magnet, and the weekly practices and games that precede unhealthy snacks we give the children as rewards for their hard work.

Instead of playing for the city or the YMCA, I decided to let them play Upward Soccer, which is a Christian based sport. Even though I am not religious, I like the principles by which they play the game.

Every child gets the chance to play, and they also get to play every position. Kindergarten through 4th grade does not have a goalie. Instead, each child gets a goal kick at the end of the game. The coach gathers all the players after the game is over and rewards each child with a special star: Best Offense, Best Defense, Most Christ-like, Best Effort, and Best all around. The team and the parents clap and cheer after every name is called.

The coaches are very encouraging and make the kids feel good, which is exactly what my kids need. Stacy is a sore loser. She hates to play games and will most often quit in the middle of one. She loves soccer and to play with her team. Linus likes to feel apart of a team. He hates when he is playing with the neighborhood kids and they won't pass him the ball. It makes him feel left out. But with soccer, he takes charge and tells his teammates what to do.

This is the first time the kids have played soccer, and they loved it. Both of them were very uncoordinated at the beginning of April. Now, they are just getting their stride. They have each scored points and played offense/defense well. Stacy and Linus are wrapping up their games this week. I wish it wasn't ending. It has been so much fun. I guess I cannot escape being a soccer mom after all.

The difference 10 pounds can make

2008-03-09T17:23:00.000-07:00

After a year of being 155 pounds, I decided it was time to get back on the weight loss train. My derailment started shortly after my best friend and workout buddy became engaged. It got harder and harder to work out and it was wintertime...excuses, excuses, excuses...

The truth is I was content. I had never been smaller than a size 14 since I was a teenager, and it also felt good knowing I had lost 50 pounds. Most people who hadn't seen me in a while didn't even recognize me. I was happy with what I had accomplished, and after a while, I was just not in the mood to lose weight anymore.

So beginning in February, I started my diet phase again. I have read that the last pounds you lose, as you approach your goal weight, will be the hardest, and boy were they right about that. I have lost all my weight in a very healthy manner. I have counted my calories and exercised the whole way down the track.

In the month of February, I lost 7 pounds. (note: my starting weight this go round was 157). Losing those 7 pounds kicked my desire to lose weight into overdrive. I have become focused again and HAVE NOT CHEATED AT ALL!!! I have gone without sugar since February 1st. I have even drank black coffee. I never thought I would actually enjoy it, but I do.

This past weekend, I went to my grandparents house. Their house is every sugar lovers dream. Drinks, oatmeal pies, fudge rounds, etc. The cool thing is that I was not the least bit tempted. My new goal weight is 140 pounds, and I didn't want to ruin all that I had accomplished. I hopped on the scales while I was there and received quite a shock. It read 145. "145!!!!" I silently screamed. I know it is only five pounds, but it takes so long just to lose two pounds, and I really was shocked.

Then it hit me. I have now lost 60 pounds. I look back at pictures and I just can't believe it. My sister-in-law said to me, "You weren't that big," and I replied, "Oh yes I was" and reminded her of a previous version of myself. She had forgotten because she has become so accustomed to my current size, which is exactly what I had done as well.

It amazes me the difference losing this 10 pounds has made. I felt so pretty when I hit 155. Now, I not only feel pretty, but I feel even more enthusiastic and confident.

Even though I have lost 60 pounds, I recognize that there is more I need to lose. My mother says I am skinny enough. "You don't need to be any skinnier. I am just worried about you." I always tell her, "Mom, you don't see what I see. There is plenty more fat underneath these clothes." Clothes do hide a lot.

As you lose weight, your body begins to take shape. I can actually see my ribs now. I can also see the thin person underneath the remaining fat. I know it sounds weird, but I can. Sometimes your body will look funny and disproportionate as you lose weight in certain areas, which is where I am at right now. Being pregnant has caused a pocket of fat to develop that just doesn't seem to go away. I have also had a couple of surgeries (gallbladder/appendix) which may have left scar tissue.

Some people might worry that I may become anorexic, but I assure all that I am not on that path. I just want to be toned. Have a flat stomach. No cellulite or pooches. To be able to wear a tank top or a two-piece bathing suit without feeling self conscious. Is all this too much to ask for or too much to try to obtain? Maybe and maybe not. Either way, I am still going to keep pushing forward. Right now, it blows my mind to think of weighing 135, but I can do it and I will do it. And what a difference those 10 pounds will make.

Just an amateur

2008-03-02T14:00:00.000-08:00

When I was a little girl, my grandpa wanted me to be an astronaut. He bought me a telescope and even wanted to send me to space camp. In 8th grade, I learned how to star-hop and participated in Science Olympiad. I really loved astronomy. It fascinated me.

I had forgotten just how much I loved it until I took an astronomy class last spring. I had a great professor too. Tom was entertaining and easy to understand. He also got me hooked on watching the moon phases. When the weather is nice, I get up early (5 am) and walk/jog. The sky is so clear and full of objects to see. I think about how the light is shining on the moon and the phase that is coming next. I also like to draw out a diagram of the moon phases for fun. Yes, I am such a nerd.

But I wanted to be involved in astronomy that I could add to my morning walks. Be around other people who liked astronomy. Then, I found out that Tom puts on two astronomy events a year (spring/fall), and I asked him if I could help.

People that know me know I am the "hostess with the mostest." I enjoy setting up, tearing down, cleaning up, waiting on people, and doing whatever needs to be done to put on an event. Not to brag, but I really am talented when it comes to this. I used to assume everyone knew how, but I have come to realize that NO they actually don't. I guess Tom didn't realize how much help I could be either. I'm sure he is used to people saying, "Can I help?" and then no one really helping. I proved myself this weekend.

The spring event is called Tri-Star. It is an event for amateur astronomers and is free to the public. Several speakers come in and talk about what is going on in astronomy. There are also prize drawings, astronomy vendors, photo contests, and free snacks. I was excited. A chance to do things I enjoy: administrate an event and be around people who enjoyed astronomy.

I was there bright and early (7 am) to set up. Krispy Kreme doughnuts would be there at 8:15 and so would the Krispy Kreme lovers. Fortunately, there were about 8 of us to get things ready. We set up tables, hung signs, put out trashcans, got the registration table/other tables ready, and made coffee. My job was to keep Tom organized and keep the snack table under control. I executed both perfectly. (On a Krispie Kreme note, we started with 12 dozen doughnuts, and they were gone by 11:00)

Another neat event they had was called, "Are you smarter than an 8th grader?" It was a 3 page test on astronomy terms. It was hard. I scored about 50%. My favorite lecture was from Heidi Hammel. She works at the Space Science Institute and has worked extensively on projects involving Uranus and Neptune. She also showed incredible images of the two plants. Interestingly, I won her biography as a prize.

I made a few friends, and a few people recognized me from previous events, including the fall event that I helped out with to a lesser extent. (That event was for the NC Astronomy Association, and at that point, Tom was unaware of my talent) At lunch, I was invited to go out with the speakers. I felt very honored. I was afraid the conversation would be over my head, but actually it wasn't that bad. One guy mentioned how it was nice to finally drink some "real sweet tea," which launched a whole conversation about the sweetness of tea, or lack thereof, around the country. They also discussed politics at their prospective universities and institutes. Overall, it was enjoyable.

I spent the rest of the afternoon manning the registration table and cleaning up the mess at the snack table. At the end of the event, I did the routine "clean up" duties. Not as many people helped shut everything down. The count was down to 4. Tom thanked me for all the work I had done. I could tell he really appreciated it and noticed that I indeed know how to administrate an event. I'm sure I'll be helping from now on, which will be fine with me.

Maybe one day, I will join a club, go to a star party, or take an incredible picture of the cosmos.
I know I will never be an astronaut or a professional astronomer, but to be involved in something I enjoy, is worth being an amateur.

You're Fired

2008-03-02T12:53:00.000-08:00

Last year after graduation, I went back to work. I worked at a local credit union as a teller and loved it. I quickly became known as the "nice" teller. About two months into my employment, I was moved to drive-thru, which I really, really liked. It was perfect for me. I didn't have to worry about people hovering over me or feeling rushed. I also had a great partner beside me to help laugh the day away. On Fridays, we would do our "Friday" dance. Things were going so well.

But then I began to notice the kids were miserable. They hated their daycare. They begged me to stay home so they didn't have to go. I just knew it would change when school started. But their grades were not as good as last year. Then Linus started being bullied, and Stacy started having all kinds of emotional issues and attitudes to go along with them.

My heart was broken. Had I been the cause of all this trouble? Could all these issues be because I went back to work? I decided we needed to make a change. I loved to work, but I also felt an obligation to help my kids. David and I collectively decided I should come back home.

So Monday morning (Feb 18), I put in my resignation. But that was not all that happen that day. It just so happened that I was $1,000 out-of-balance as well. So much for my resignation. I began to go through all my transactions from the beginning. It took me 2 min. to realize what I had done.

Someone came in wanted to cash a check for $3,400. I didn't have enough money in my drawer, so I went to the vault to get some. Well, I wanted to borrow $1,000, but my supervisor insisted I borrow $2,000 so I wouldn't have to come back later, which I agreed with. So with $2,000 in hand, I walked back to my station and dispensed $2,400 instead of $1,400 from the TCD (teller cash dispenser).

My error was that I didn't double check myself. I thought I had typed in the right thing. I stuck the $4,400 in an envelope and handed it directly to the person. (often tellers do not count out these sums to people because we don't want other people to notice how much money is being distributed)

So, at least I knew where the money had gone. But just to make sure, I went through the rest of my transactions, checking off every disbursement with my journal roll, TCD journal, and cash tape. Everything else matched. Also, the person had enough money in their account to get the money back. I tried calling the person, but all the numbers on file had been disconnected. I did the only thing I could do and debit the account.

The next day, the person called wondering what was going on. I explained to them what I had done.

"I accidentally gave you $4,400."

"What? I didn't even check the envelope. I just assumed what you gave me was right. The money has changed hands several times. I am going to have to call you back."

Then I had to face the branch manager about what I had done. It was not an easy thing to do, but I stayed professional and explained the facts. The person came to talk to the branch manager in person. They told the BM that they did not have the money. They also changed their story. Apparently, they gave the money to a family member who went straight to the bank, and the bank verified the money.

When I got called into the branch manager's office, I was nervous. I knew what was coming and I knew the rules about outages. At a bank, you are an "at-will" employee, which means you can be fired for no reason. But I was hoping that all my evidence (my journal roll, cash tape, TCD journal, and vault sheet) would show that I indeed did give this person an extra $1,000.

"Kellie. The [person] just doesn't have the money? Is there any where else it could be?"

"No. I checked everything else."

"Well, this is just to big an outage for me to help you."

"I understand."

I knew that person had lied or someone had lied to that person. Someone had that $1,000. But I didn't fight with my BM. I just accepted my punishment. Looking back I wish I had said more, but what? What could I have said that would have made a difference? I really don't think there was anything.

The biggest hypocrisy of it all is that two people had been $10,000 out-of-balance with the vault 4 months prior to this. It was determined that either the money was thrown away or it never got to the branch to begin with. These two people only received a stern talking to. I didn't want them to lose their jobs, but I did expect cash handling duties to be revoked. Instead, it was business as usual.

The difference is I had just put in my resignation and they were long-time employees whom the credit union needed to stay around. I was expendable. It sucks but what do you do?

I held my composure until I left the BM's office and headed to the teller line. Once I saw my friends I lost it.

"Its okay hun. Now you can go home and be with your kiddies."

"But I wasn't ready to go. And I certainly did not want to leave this way."

As my supervisor was counting my drawer, I looked at her and said, "That person was lying." She said she knew and told me a similar story. Everyone was sad/angry to see me go, and I was sad to be going. I hugged everyone, told them various farewells, and made my final exit.

The only good part of the story is that I am now at home. One of my friends said this when I went by the other day:

"Kellie, I am trying really hard to feel sorry for you, but I am just so damn jealous."

I am fortunate. I am so glad I have the luxury to stay at home. When I do go back to work, I hope I never have to face a situation like this again. One where my kids suffer and another where I put myself in a situation to be fired.

The Santa Debate

2007-12-27T17:36:00.000-08:00

"Santa is not real!"

"Oh yes he is!!"

"No he's not. Santa is your mom and dad."

"Santa lives in the North Pole, and Rudolph pulls the sled with the other reindeer, and they bring all the kids presents on Christmas Day."

"Well, where's your chimney? Santa is suppose to come down the chimney."

"Santa doesn't need a chimney."

"Kellie, Santa is not real."

I heard those words when I was 5 years old. I was heartbroken.

How could Santa not be real? I wrote a letter explaining what I wanted. I went to the mall, sat on his lap, and repeated the letter I had written just in case the mailman didn't deliver it. I watched the news as they tracked Rudolph's whereabouts. One year, I could have sworn I heard hooves on the roof and saw Rudolph's red nose flashing in the sky. Santa just had to be real. But alas, I came to terms that Santa was just another imaginary friend.

Even though I knew the truth of Santa, I enjoyed the fun of it all. I would tell my younger brother and sister that Santa was coming. "You better be good or Santa won't come." But when I got married and had children of my own that all changed.

David and I had very different views on the Santa issue. I wanted to play Santa with our kids and David didn't want to lie to them. After a long argument, I decided to side with David. We have never promoted Santa with the kids. Anything they have learned about Santa has been from school. And thus the Santa Debate in our family begun.

Three years ago, Stacy declared that there was no Santa Claus. Linus on the other hand, after seeing the Polar Express, opposed Stacy's declaration. To challenge Linus, David had the following conversation with him:

"Hey Linus, do you believe in Santa Claus?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because he leaves toys and if you leave milk and cookies out, he'll eat them."

"Maybe someone else eats the cookies."

"No one else is up that late!"

"Well, maybe someone IS up that late."

"Dad, everyone is in bed!"

"Well, is the Easter Bunny real?"

"I think so."

"Are fairies real?"

"No!"

"Are elves real?"

"Yes."

"How do you know?"

"Because they make the toys for Santa Claus."

"Maybe Santa isn't real, and other people leave the toys for kids."

"Nuh-uh, there's way too many toys. No one could leave all those toys!"

"Well, maybe Santa Claus buys the toys at Wal-mart."

"Dad, he lives at the North Pole!"

"It's too cold to live up there!"

"Well, he can take the cold."

"Maybe there's a Wal-mart at the North Pole."

"Dad, it's too cold up there for houses! There's just Christmas trees and Santa Claus and the elves!"

"Maybe the mailman brings him all the toys!"

"DAD, NO ONE GETS TO SEE SANTA CLAUS!!!"

"The elves do!"

"Well, only the elves get to see him."

"Maybe the mailman leaves the toys on Santa's doorstep, and then after he leaves, Santa gets the toys."

"Nuh-uh, he can't see Santa."

"Well, maybe Santa left him a note."

"No, he didn't!"

"How do you know? You don't know everything about Santa!"

"Well, I saw a movie about him."

This was a peculiar year for the Santa debate. Linus is now convinced that it is the parents that play Santa, and Stacy now believes that Santa is real after all. It didn't help matters when Stacy wrote Santa a letter and received a letter back. Apparently, the post office has volunteers who receive the letters and then reply to them. I was quite shocked to see a letter myself. The letter told Stacy to leave out cookies/milk for Santa and carrots for the reindeer, and she did. On Christmas morning, both kids rushed downstairs to see their stockings and unopened toys. Stacy was so happy to see that the cookies and carrots were gone.

"See Linus. I told you Santa was real."

Then Linus turns to me and asks the question. "Mom, did you eat the cookies and put out the presents?"

"Yes Linus."

But then the look on Stacy's face made me wish I could lie to her and spare her from the pain of realizing Santa was just an imaginary person. Stacy started to cry, and I hugged her tight and explained to her that I had gone through the same thing as a kid.

"Mom, why do parents lie to their kids about Santa?"

What a good question. Santa has become this heroic figure. Kids get so excited and parents play it up. So why is it that parents so eagerly play this game of Santa Claus and lie? Some say because it is fun. Others do it because of tradition.

But is it worth it? Are parents placing themselves in a vulnerable situation by lying to their kids or will the act of lying be forgotten/forgiven with time? I can only speak for myself. I do not think all the fun of the game is worth the eventual let down and pain the children will feel. But the funny thing is I do believe that children forgive, forget, and pass on the tradition. I think our Santa Debate has come to an end or at least I hope it has.

A Day with Jane

2007-10-03T17:25:00.000-07:00

Several times a year I make a journey to Jonesville to see my husband's great aunt Jane. I usually take these trips alone and spend the day with her. Our day always has certain elements that never change: family gossip, lunch at a restaurant, and shopping in downtown Elkin.

I usually arrive around 9:00 am with some sort of season flower in hand. We both love flowers, so I always try to bring her some when I go. We spend the first two hours chatting about the family, our yards, our perspective walking buddies, and any other newsworthy topic that comes to mind. Then around 11:00 we start the "So where are we going to eat?" conversation. She always gives me choices, and she always has ratings to go along with each place.

"Now so and so says this place is to die for, but someone else told me they would never eat there again. And then there's this other place. Now I don't know anything about 'em, but I think they serve sandwiches. Or we can eat at the place we went to last time. It used to be called Michael's but is now called Sandy's." (Apparently, Michael and Sandy were a couple and split up. Michael moved away, so Sandy changed the name to something more appropriate)

One of the restaurants we went to on my last trip was called Snicker Doodles. It was an old historic house turned into a coffeeshop/restaurant. They served over-priced coffee, soup, sandwiches, salads, various chicken dishes, and desserts. Jane chose chicken and rice, and I chose a turkey sandwich.

The food was very good. But, at first, we were confused about Jane's order. After the waiter brought us our food, Jane leaned over and asked "Didn't I order chicken with my rice?" I said that I thought so but may be he forgot it. Then a few seconds later Jane said, "Oh, never mind. Here it is." Sure enough there were tiny bits of chicken mixed in the rice. We agreed that they should change the meal title to "Rice with Chicken bits," which would put the emphasis on the rice instead of the chicken.

After lunch, we head to downtown Elkin to see if there is anything new in the shops. One of the shops there is called Plum's, which is a high-priced clothing store. I never buy anything, and Jane only buys something when it is on sale and more reasonably priced, but it is fun to look at what bizarre things they have. Jane and the store owner must also banter back and forth about a piece of clothing Jane "just won't buy" but should because it "just would look so good" on her.

From Plum's we head to the bookstore. It is small, but has quite an assortment of books, which are mostly best-sellers. The bookstore also has unique gifts and games that you don't see in other stores: brain teasers, puzzles, and gadgets. They have also carry books with funny titles like Food to DIE FOR: A book of funeral food.

After the bookstore, we window shop and only go in if the window display is inviting. Depending on the time, we either ride to Wal-Mart or head back to the house for some final chatting before I leave. Apparently, they are building a new Wal-Mart, and it will be a Super Wal-Mart. I guess this will become another fixture of my visit.

The worst part of the day is when I have to go home. I could stay there for days and not tire of it or being with her. Jane doesn't make it any easier to leave either. She always says, "Do you have to go now? Just call David and tell him he can fix supper." But we both know I have to go. We hug, tell each other what fun we had, say how we look forward to doing it again, and I leave.

I have known Jane for 12 years now. Over the years, we have become close. Her house is a source of great happiness to me and my family. It has become a place we all look forward to going. I love her and cherish every visit I have with her. And that is what a day with Jane is like.

Are YOU the Tooth Fairy?

2007-07-11T18:02:00.000-07:00

My son Linus recently had three teeth pulled to make room for his permanent teeth. The dentist gave him a tooth-shaped box to carry his teeth in until he could get home and put it under his pillow for the tooth fairy. Linus finally remembered to put it under his pillow last night. Well, last night the tooth fairy didn't come, which was no surprise to him.

"Well, she didn't have anywhere to put the money since it won't fit in the box," Linus said. "What we need is a plastic bag."

"Here's a box that we can put it in," I suggested.

So Linus put the tooth box into the bigger box and started to put it where he knew the Tooth Fairy would be looking...under his pillow.

"You can put it right beside your bed. You don't have to put it under your pillow this time. She'll get the message and will know what to do." I said.

Then Linus began to think about whether or not the Tooth Fairy exists in the first place.

"Mom, I know fairies aren't real, and the Tooth Fairy is a fairy. So, are YOU the Tooth Fairy?"

I was quite pleased with his reasoning and decided to reveal the true nature of the Tooth Fairy.

"Yes son, I am the Tooth Fairy." I was grinning from ear to ear. I was pleased that he had figured it out, and I also felt like I had been finally caught with one of the biggest secrets I had been dying to tell.

Linus decided now was the time to negotiate. "Okay. Then I am going to close my eyes and you can just give me the money." He put his head under his covers as proof of his sincerity.

"But that's not how it works, son. You have to be asleep. That is how it is done."

"Oh, come on." He protested.

I kissed him good night and headed to my room. A few minutes later I passed by his door and noticed he was pretending to be asleep. So, I crept up to him just waiting for him to crack as he heard me approaching. He tried so hard to keep the prefect "asleep" face. When I got to him, I leaned down and whispered into his ear.

"I know your not asleep."

"Darn. I thought you would think I was asleep and put money in the box." He said.

"Nope. I can tell when your really asleep you know."

I hugged and kissed him again and headed for my room to tell the story to David. Precious moments like this must be passed on. So, now everyone knows that I am the Tooth Fairy.

Pomp and Circumstance

2007-05-28T05:04:00.000-07:00

My stomach was in knots. I always get nervous before a ceremony. I left David and the kids in the car and headed to the coliseum entrance. I had missed rehearsal that day, so I wasn't quite sure where to go. I just followed the other graduates and asked for directions along the way.

Guilford Technical Community College is one of the best Community Colleges I have encountered. The teachers are highly qualified (all have a Masters and a good percent have PhD's), the grading is stricter than a university (6 pt scale), and the course load is just as heavy as one would get at a university. GTCC even has an observatory, which is a rarity even among universities.

GTCC offers a lot of programs. I hadn't really realized just how many until I went looking for my sign. As I walked through the sea of graduates, there were signs posted on the left and right. Each sign had the degree program listed on it. I walked through a long line of signs, but I did not see mine. So I doubled back to look again. Surely there had to be more signs. And indeed there were.

GTCC had separated the degree programs into two parts: those with Applied degrees/Associate degrees and those with Diploma/Certification degrees. I had been looking among the later. I caught eye of more graduates and headed to the other side of the coliseum. And behold...my sign..."Pre-Business Administration"... and guess where it was...at the front of the line. I called David and my mother to let them know where I would be located so they could find a good seat. Cell phones come in quite handy in situations like this!!!

I stood at my post while various teachers came by to congratulate me. I also saw quite a few fellow students. We hugged, congratulated each other, and exchanged fond memories of classes we had together. There were only five of us at my sign, and I just happened to know all of them. Four girls and one guy. We all had taken American Government together the previous semester. One of the girls was also named Kelly. But I was the only one graduating with honors, which would make me easy to spot.

As we saw various teachers, we talked about their teaching styles and how "hot or not" they were. We also talked about other students that we knew and whether we liked them or not. We all counted down the minutes and made last minute adjustments to our hair and makeup. We were trying to keep our hats off as long as possible. I didn't have to go to the bathroom until the lady came by to lead us out into the hall to get ready for the precession. I quickly called my mother to tell her I would be the 12th person in line, which apparently got relayed to the other family members like they were playing "Pass it on."

I knew approximately where the family would be, but as I walked out into the coliseum and casually glanced to the left and right. I couldn't see them. When I made it to my seat, which was on the second row, I finally caught a glimpse of the 10 waving arms. I waved back with a huge smile on my face. My mother was on the phone and looked like she was crying, which meant she was talking to her sister and describing the scene for her.

The Dean of Students greeted everyone and introduced the various people on the stage. He also announced that GTCC had a record number of graduates this year, which was over 800. One of the things I am bad about doing is making fun of the speakers. Most of the time I rely on my partner in crime, David, to come up with all of the witty remarks, and I just laugh at them, but since he wasn't there, I had to take the lead.

This years speaker had 8 fantastic points to make to the graduates. I didn't know he only had 8 until he said, "And finally my 8th blah, blah, blah..." What was funny was that I wasn't the only one annoyed with his speech. He talked about how great he was and how his greatness led to his success in business. By his 3rd point, no one was listening. And as he announced his next point, you could hear people moan. But when he got to his final point...an audible, satisfied gesture could be heard. When he finished, he got quite an applause from my row, which was due to his finishing and not to the words he had just spoken.

The first people to go across the stage were the Diploma and certification candidates. Then it came time for me. I was so afraid of falling. My heart was beating fast, but I only showed confidence. I had my name card in hand and approached the stage. They called my name, my crowd cheered, and I accepted my degree. After I left the stage there was a man taking pictures of the graduates. It caught me off guard, and he snapped the camera as I made a face. I guess I won't purchase those pictures.

When I got back to my seat, David called me and said he was proud. We made various loving faces at each other and hung up. Our degrees were conferred and it was time to go. We all marched out and headed to the tables that held our degree papers. I found mine quickly and went to look for the way out. There was people everywhere. My family was located at the top of the stairs, and they called out my name to get my attention. We found a place to exchange pleasantries and take pictures. Then we all headed to my house for ice cream.

Over the past couple of years I have had people say to me, "Kellie, I just don't know how you do all that you do." My comment back to them is "I just do it." I am a full-time mother, wife, and college student. Is that really so hard to manage? I guess for most people it is, but I just do it. Granted my house doesn't get the attention it needs, but I just do what needs to be done.

I am now a graduate. I have my Associate's degree in Business Administration. At first, I didn't think of it as a big deal because I am not done with college, I am only halfway through. This is just a stepping stone. But I do feel a sense of accomplishment and pride. Proud that I am such a nerd when it comes to studying and getting good grades. Proud that my children and family watched me walk across the stage and receive my degree. Proud that I am on my way to becoming successful.

So, I will continue to do all the things I do...work full-time, be a mom and wife, and go to school...because I know I can do it. At the end of this road, will be another time of Pomp and Circumstance. I will stand there with greater pride and accomplishment, and love every minute of it.

Shopping Has Never Felt So Good

2007-02-24T06:41:00.000-08:00

This summer I plan to have a job for the first time in 2 years. The last job I had, I did transcription, which lasted for 3 1/2 years. This was a good job to do while the kids were growing up. During this time, I did not have to leave my home, which meant I did not have to have any "dressy" clothes. But now, I am going to be an accountant. I have to look nice. No more jeans and T-shirts. It's slacks, heels, and dress shirts from here on out.

On Friday, I was scheduled to have a job interview with the State Employees Credit Union for a teller position. I don't necessarily want to be a teller, but I realize I have to start somewhere. But when I went to my closet to find something to wear, I couldn't find anything suitable for an interview. In addition, I have lost more weight, and the dress pants I have are now too big.

So Thursday I set out to find a suit. I knew just the place to go...ROSS...the place where you can "Dress for less." I like to go there. You can find name brand clothes at marked down prices, usually 50%-70% off. They also have shoes and accessories to go with your outfit. It is a one-stop place for an business woman.

I headed straight for the dresses and suits. It was weird at first because, for the first time in my adult life, I didn't have to go to the size 16 isle. I used to hate shopping for clothes. I always felt so big when I would try different outfits on. I would find something I really liked, only to find that it didn't fit, and I would have to go find something else. I always hated to look at myself in the dressing room mirror because I felt I looked fatter.

This time, I didn't have to look at size 16 or even size 14. But I wasn't sure exactly what size I was. So I started out with the size 12 isle. I went down the isle, going meticulously through each piece. Then I thought, "What if I can wear something smaller?" I grabbed an outfit that I liked and headed to the dressing room.

The suit I had picked out was a size 12. It had a white jacket trimmed in black and black pants. I closed the dressing room door, hung the suit up on the metal post, and started to undress. I glanced at myself in the mirror and thought, "Wow, I look skinny for a change." But then came the moment of truth. There was still that lingering pessimism that I wouldn't be able to wear it and would have to settle for a size 14. I knew I wasn't that big anymore, but I the thought was still there.

I put on the pants. Oh my goodness. They are too big. Then I tried on the jacket and it was too big. Is this really happening? I am too small for a size 12 suit? I opened the door and went out to look at myself in the big tri-fold mirror. "Man I look hot," I thought. "And I look so skinny. I have got to try on a size 10." So I got undressed and headed back to the size 12 isle to put away the suit.

I picked out 4 suits from the size 10 isle; a gray pants suit, a black, pen-striped pants suit, a black jacket/skirt suit with stripes on the skirt, and a navy pants suit. They all fit perfectly. From the four outfits, I chose the dress suit and the gray pants suit. And now I needed shoes to go with them. My feet have also lost weight. All of my shoes are way to big. I found a cute pair of size 7 1/2 shoes that matched the striped skirt. Finally, I was all ready to check out.

I couldn't wait to get home and show off my new clothes. I put on the dress suit with my new shoes for David to see. He said I looked cute and even liked my shoes. The kids also loved my clothes. "You look great mom," they said.

What a great day this was and a great boost to my ego and confidence. I plan on losing more weight though. I have about 15 pounds to go to be at an ideal body weight for my height. I look forward to the day when I size 10 is too big for me. Shopping has never felt so good.

Stacy's Newspaper

2007-02-24T06:28:00.000-08:00

Today, Stacy was in the mood to create her own newspaper. Her idea was to create news about what is going on in "our household." Here is what her newspaper looked like:

Newspaper
News

Stacy Vestal refuses to clean her room. 7 year old Linus Vestal plays Halo and will not stop! Mr. Vestal will not get off his computer. Mrs. Vestal is looking for a job.

Sports

Ballybloon, Basketball, Basketbloon, Ballyball

Beside each of the events she drew a picture depicting what was happening in the news and the sports sections. Then she went around to all of us declaring the news was ready to be read. "Newspapers. Come and get your newspapers."

She also wants to distribute our news to the neighborhood. I quickly told her that our neighbors would not be interested in what we're doing.

So what sparked this bright idea. Well, the little girl next door had the High Point paper and was going to throw it away. But Stacy, seeing that the paper was of value, quickly said she would take it, and the girl gladly gave it to her. Stacy spent some time going through each section of the paper trying to mimic what she saw. And so was born Stacy's Newspaper.

Graduate with Honors

2007-02-17T07:56:00.000-08:00

This week, I have been accepted into Phi Theta Kappa, which is a Community College Honor Society. I have always wanted to be an honor student. I know I am not the smartest person in the world, but I do work hard to be a good student and make good grades.

My brother and I took an IQ test once, which was administered by my dad while he was in graduate school. My brother, Shon, scored 1 point higher than me and has never let me live it down, since he is 7 years younger than me. Shon has also never let me forget that he graduated college before me too.

I graduate from Guilford Technical Community College this May and have already been accepted to the University of North Carolina at Greensboro to continue toward my B.S. in Accounting.

During Shon's graduation, I leaned over to my mother and said, "He might be graduating first, but I am going to graduate with honors." And now I will have the tassels to prove it. I will be the one to graduate with honors. Beat that little brother!!!

It's Silly Time

2007-02-11T04:25:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago, Linus received a letter in the mail from his best friend and cousin Nick. The letter read:

Dear Linus I nodisd that you have bin zilein% nise to me last year. So I invitide you to spin the night at my house. Love Nicholas Your frend.

On the letter he drew a picture of a house and two boys; one big (Linus) and the other small (Nick). Linus immediately wrote Nick back and informed Nick that he would come over on February 12th.

Well today is February 12th. Linus has been so excited. Nick was to arrive at 4:00, which Linus expected to happen right at that very moment. So, Linus asked me all throughout the day, "How many more hours until Nick gets here?," and I would have to give up to the minute accuracy of the arrival time or else be corrected.

So 4:00 came and the phone rang. It was my mother-in-law Sheila. She said that Bud and Nick had just left, which takes about an hour to get here. So I had to tell Linus it would be another hour until Nick arrived. "Oh Man!" he said disappointedly.

At about 5:15 or so the doorbell rang and I heard "PICKLES." Pickles or Pickleous is the name Linus gave to Nick a long time ago. Then the silliness started. "So Nick what do you want to do?" They usually play Mario, but we lent out our Nintendo and they could not play it. But that didn't matter. They played Spongebob Monopoly, Connect Four, Chutes and Ladders, Checkers, Go Fishing, and Halo.

They love to make up phrases. Nick's phrase this time was "Okay Squarebob Spongepants." They went back and forth with different ways of saying Spongebob Squarepants for a good hour. Of course, they also love to say the word "Poop." So that had to go in there every now and then too. "Spongebob Poopypants." And I of course would do my motherly, "Now boys, let's not say gross things." And they would giggle and come up with something else along the same lines. The silliness had begun and there was no stopping it until Nick went home.

Nick and Linus never fight. They may slightly disagree about something, but they just state their opinions and continue playing. During a Halo game, Nick was pretending other people were in the game that weren't there. Linus said, "Nick that is not how the game is played." And Nick replied, "But Linus, they are." Nick is never any trouble.

There is only one problem when Nick comes over...STACY. Stacy doesn't like it when Nick and Linus get together because she gets left out. Nick and Linus totally ignore her. They get so caught up in what they are doing that they forget about her. I have to remind Stacy that when she has friends over that she doesn't want Linus around, so its fair. But she doesn't see it that way.

Nick and Linus have such a great time together. I think they will be friends forever. I often think about what they will be like when they get older. They will share intimate things with each other like girls, home life, and pressures at school. I hope they will be a source of comfort for each other and that they will keep each other in check if they see the other one doing something wrong.

But right now, it's still silly time. I hope this stage, as annoying as it can be, will last a while longer. I am not ready for the next stage quite yet. So Linus, be silly all you want to....It's Silly Time!!!

Punishment Surprise

2007-02-01T14:41:00.000-08:00

This week my son Linus was grounded. His punishment included no T.V., computer, video games, or going outside. He also had to do whatever chores I needed done. We executed this punishment on Sunday and told him it would go through Thursday.

So every afternoon, after he came home from school, I would fix him a snack and then he would do a chore. It was quite nice. He did a great job cleaning, and I got my bathrooms cleaned and my hardwood floors cleaned. He even cleaned my windows downstairs. I could get used to this.

Something interesting happened this week due to this punishment. Because Linus has not watched T.V., neither has Stacy. Surprisingly, she has shown no interest in watching it. Instead, they have been playing together all week long. I could get used to this too.

When the kids were little, we did not watch T.V. very often. I would get movies every now and then to watch or let them watch Clifford, but it was very limited. We didn't get a T.V. in the living room until Christmas 2004. Even then, we only had rabbit ears. It wasn't until this past year that we have had satellite.

I have heard that children with limited T.V. exposure have a greater capacity for imagination. Well, it must have some truth because Stacy has the one of the biggest imaginations among her peers. My parents limited my T.V. exposure as well, and when I was young, I had a big imagination too as well as imaginary friends.

Now I played by myself most of the time. There was a five year difference between my sister and I and then seven years between my brother and I. By the time they were old enough to play with, I was too old to "play" with them. I became the babysitter, which took all the fun away. It is nice that Stacy and Linus have each other to play with.

So even though this week Linus was on punishment, I am glad. Stacy and Linus have had so much fun. Not to mention the house has had extra cleaning and it has been quieter. What a great punishment this turned out to be.

Early Valentine

2007-01-20T15:03:00.000-08:00

Last night a note was slipped under my bedroom door. It read:

Dear Mom and Dad:
You aren't allowed in my room till I'm finished with the super prize.
Love, Stacy

My daughter Stacy is a very creative little girl. She comes up with the funniest things at times. Like the time she decided to set up a tanning salon across the street that was made out of a couple of boards, and she would charge people to tan. Or the time when she went around the neighborhood collecting rocks to sell for $5.00 a piece. Yes, Stacy has quite an imagination.

Then there are times when she is just so darn sweet. She knows I love flowers. So when she gets the opportunity, she will pick one for me. This morning was another one of those sweet moments. When she heard me get up this morning, she quickly ran to my door and waited for me to come out.

"Mom. Did you get my note? Good because I set up this party for you and dad to come to. So as soon as you can I want you to come."

"Wow Stacy. That sounds neat. I can't wait to see what you've done. But I need to fix breakfast first and then Dad and I will come."

That was enough to satisfy her. So off I went to fix breakfast. Once we finished eating, we headed for the party. David extended his arm for me to grab, and we entered the room like a proper couple should when going to a party. On the door was a sign that read, "Valentines Day Party." Stacy drew hearts all over it. As we walked into the room, I noticed little hearts all around the room. Stacy cut out red and pink hearts and then taped them up on the walls.

"Welcome to the party Mr. and Mrs. Vestal."

"Thank you. It is a lovely party. You did a great job. Everything looks so nice and pretty."

"Thank you. Would you like a drink?"

Stacy had filled the little bathroom cups with water for us to drink. She also had her radio playing for us just in case we wanted to dance. David told her he didn't know how to dance, but they could do a crazy dance. So David, Stacy and Linus danced all around the room.

"Oh, I almost forgot. Here are your Valentines."

Stacy made each of us a Valentine. There was a large, pink heart with "I love you" on it. Then attached to the side was a smaller, red heart. David's read, "To my sweet, sweet Dad, " and mine read, "To my sweet, sweet Mom." Then at the very bottom of each heart there were two small, red hearts. David's had pictures of cats. One of the cats was saying "Meow." On mine were hummingbirds, and they were saying "Hummm."

"I know how much you like hummingbirds, mom, and how dad likes cats. So that's why I drew those pictures."

We talked for little while and then it was time to leave the party.

"Well, we are going to go now. Thanks for the party. It was great."

"I know. Hey mom. I think I am going to paint now."

And there she went. On with her next creative affair. It was a really sweet thing for her to do. Sometimes I wonder what kind of parent I am. Am I effective? Do my kids really love me? Well, I guess I found the answer in my valentine. I am a sweet mom, and Stacy loves me. I must be doing something right.

I asked Stacy why she was giving me an early valentine. She said she just wanted to. Well that's the best kind to get. I couldn't ask for more than that.

Global Warming

2007-01-04T13:49:00.000-08:00

It blows my mind how there are people who don't believe Global warming is happening. Outside my house I have two maple trees, and they are already budding. The trees think it is spring, and who could blame them. It is 65 degrees outside and it is January. What is wrong with this picture?

Today on the news they were talking about how our weather has been "freaky." Tornados in London, blizzards in the midwest while the east coast experiences spring-like conditions, New England golf courses staying open, and popular ski slopes without any snow.

I remember as a kid having lots of snow every year. My daughter has only seen snow 6 of her 8 years on this earth. And only a few of those years had enough snow to really play in.

Last month, I watched Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth." It was an eye opening experience. I would recommend this movie to anyone and everyone. It is actually quite scary to think about. It is hard to imagine well-known species, like the polar bear, going extinct, especially when we could have done something to prevent it.

The earth has experienced ice ages, each one having the same kind of pattern. But now we have broken the cycle and are rapidly approaching an ice age that will be like none the earth has experienced thus far. I am not going to pretend to be a scientist, and so I would encourage everyone to read up on this issue for themselves. We have the next 50 years to make drastic changes in the way we do things or we will reap irreversible consequences.

One website I found interesting was http://www.clearlight.com/~mhieb/WVFossils/ice_ages.html

Make sure to look at the picture boxes. Especially the one that shows how the earch looked 18,000 years ago and what it is like today.

Well, that's enough of my soapbox for now. I hope we do get some kind of snow this year. There is a great hill across the street for sledding.

What Christmas Means to Me

2006-12-23T15:50:00.000-08:00

Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. I remember the anticipation I would feel on Christmas Eve wondering what Santa would bring. I would even go outside and look up in the sky for Rudolph's blinking red nose. Our local TV station even had a Rudolph tracker that the weatherman would show during updates and news hours.

I also loved to watch the various movies that would come on; Rudolph, Frosty, It's a wonderful life, and Charlie Brown. Every year my mom and I would read Christmas stories, bake cookies, make cards, decorate the tree and listen to music. I think I could recite “The Night Before Christmas” without any trouble. And I still remember some of the silly songs that were playing on our 8-track like “I’m getting nuttin for Christmas.”

My parents would not confirm or deny Santa's existence. I think they struggled with telling me a lie, so they would not foster the Santa idea. But people all around me promoted Santa. In school, we would write letters to Santa, and teachers would tell you that you better be good or Santa would not come. So regardless of what my parents said, I believed in Santa anyway, and since I had imaginary friends anyway, Santa was just another one to add to the list.

During the month of December, we would go to parties and visit relatives. My mother’s family would have a party at my great grandmother’s house. Two food items that were at these parties are ingrained in my memory. One I liked and the other I did not; KFC and fruitcake. Can you guess which was which? I am told that one year one of the uncles had their leg in a cast and propped up on an ottoman. Well I needed a seat, so I picked his leg up and dropped it on the floor beside the ottoman.

Some of the relatives I was excited to see. Among them were my cousins Jeff and Scott, whom were twins, five years older than me, and very cute. For some reason, I thought that chasing them and annoying them was fun.

The other place I looked forward to going was my grandparent’s house in Virginia. My Pap Pap would set up a train platform that could not be touched until Christmas Day. In the middle of the platform was the Christmas tree and all around the tree was a village. The village had houses, trees, cars, and people. The platform was covered with salt. He would carefully make the roads and the landscape. It would take him hours upon hours to complete this miniature city. And he even knew when someone had put his or her finger in his creation. But I just had to touch it. Most people did. It was just so cool.

My husband and I do not promote Santa as being real either. But we do decorate the tree and put up decorations. I play Christmas music the whole month long, and for David, it is a long month. I cook big meals and bake cookies. I buy presents, wrap them up, and put them under our tree until the time comes to hand them out. I get out my snowman dishes and snowflake plates and platters for the various parties.

Christmas to me is a time when you can be with your loved ones. A time set apart from the rest of the year that is solely for the family. A time to enjoy them and show them they are appreciated. A time when you think about them and find a present that will make them happy. A time that marks the ending of a year and the beginning of a new one.

And of course the New Year just is complete without the song, "Auld Lang Syne" or "Old Time Past."

Should old acquaintance be forgot, And never brought to mind? Should old acquaintance be forgot, And days of old long past.

And that's what Christmas means to me.

The Coach Within

2006-10-20T13:11:00.000-07:00

It was a Friday. I had just come home from lunch with David when my sister-in-law, Camilla, called me.

"Have you heard?" she asked.
"No. What?"
"Missy's at the hospital. She's having her baby."

For those of you who do not know Missy, I will take time to update you. Missy, at age 15, came to live with us while her mother, Mildred, was in the hospital. Unfortunately, Mildred had kidney disease and died while Missy was staying with us. Missy's family did not have the means to provide a stable environment for her. So, we took her in. Missy lived with us for over 3 years. She has become one of my best friends and a sister figure to the kids. However, when we moved to Greensboro, she decided to stay with her grandmother in Statesville.

Sure enough, Missy had tried to call while I was at school. Camilla began to fill me in on the details, and then I immediately called Missy.

“Hey girl. Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you excited?”

“Yeah and scared.”

She told me how she went to the hospital in the middle of the night with pain in her back. The pain was so strong that she could not even move. Her grandmother had to send for an ambulance to take her to the hospital. She had started to dilate, but very slowly. The doctor also broke her water, which I informed her meant she was definitely going to have the baby today.

“Let me call David and see what I can do. I will get there as soon as I can. Everything will be all right.”

I was so glad this was happening on a Friday. It would have been near impossible for me to breakaway from home any other time. In fact, as her due date began to get closer, I became very anxious. I was so afraid I would not be able to be there for her. I was also worried that she would be all alone. What woman wants to have a baby all by herself? Especially when it is their first time and you don’t know what to expect.

“Hey. You are not going to believe this, but Missy is having her baby. Is there anyway you can get off work early today?”

I don’t know. Let me call you back.”

Fortunately, David was able to get off of work, and we picked up the kids and headed for Statesville.

I arrived at the hospital at about 3 pm, which just happened to be perfect timing. Her grandmother was there but was about to leave. I noticed that Missy was on the brink of strong contractions. So I just jumped right in and began to explain to her what she could expect from that point on. I also assured her that everything would be fine.

“I am not going anywhere. I will stay right here until the baby comes. Okay, grab my hand and squeeze as hard as you want to, and don’t hold you breath. Concentrate on breathing. Okay, here comes a contraction. Squeeze my hand! Don’t hold your breath! Breathe in. Breathe out. Good. The contraction is at its peak now. It is almost over, just a few more seconds. Squeeze my hand. Breathe. You're doing great. There. It is all over.”

We did this for about an hour, and then the doctor came in to check on her.

Well, let’s see how you are progressing. Miss Peet, you are still at 5 cm. You have a choice. We can start making preparations for a C-section or you can hold out a little while longer to see if you make any more progress. What would you like to do?”

“Wait.”

Missy is not a talker. In fact, I used to be her spokesperson. Anytime we were somewhere that I could answer for her, she would look at me and I would get the hint to answer. Or she would tell someone to speak with her secretary.

“YOU have to make the decision. I cannot answer for you on this. But I will say that it is not going to get any easier. Now is the time to think about an epidural. It will make you feel so much better and you will also be able to get some rest.”

“But I’m scared. Will it hurt?”

“Yes, but for just a second.”

She finally consented to an epidural. And It came just in time. Her contractions were getting intense and more and more frequent. But once the epidural kicked in, she fell asleep. The doctor came back in an hour. There was still no change. Missy told him she wanted to go ahead and have a C-section.

She turned to the nurse and asked, “Can she come with me?”

“Yes. You can have one person in the room with you.”

I had never been on this side of labor before. I had only been the one getting coached not the one coaching. And now I was going to be part of a C-section. The nurse gave me "the garb" to put on and filled me in on the procedures.

"You will have a seat right next to her. But be very careful where you step and try to stay still. When the baby comes out, they will hand it to me. I will clean it off and hand it to you, so you can show Missy. Then you will carry it to the nursery."

I was so excited, and I felt very honored to be the one to be with her during this. It was also a big comfort to her that I would be there with the baby.

I walked with her to the operating room, but had to wait outside until they were ready for me. When I walked in, there were half a dozen people or so busy prepping the room. I walked over to my stool, which was right beside Missy’s head. A large sheet had been draped at her chest so we could not see what was going on. But we could hear them talk. I tried to translate as much of the medical mumbo jumbo to Missy as I could. Then we heard him cry. Ethan Alexander Peet was finally here.

"There he is. He is so cute.”

Missy was so happy and proud. I held Ethan in my arms. He looked just like her. I carefully got up and headed to the nursery. I was so afraid of falling. I placed him in the heated bed, and the nurse began to take his temperature, give him shots, get his weight, etc, etc, etc. He didn’t even cry and tried desperately to open his eyes.

I stroked his head and talked to him. He liked that. I got to stay with him for about 45 minutes or so. Then, once Missy was settled back in her room, I went and gave her a full report on Alex.

"He is a great baby."

She thanked me for everything, and we exchanged pleasantries. What a day this had been. Missy was now a mom. She had transitioned from a girl to a woman. Life was no longer just about her. Now she had someone else depending on her.

I assured her that she would do fine. I also related to her how I felt when I was first pregnant and how I didn't think I would make a good mom. Babies scared me. And getting pregnant right after I got married was not part of my plan. I wanted to hold out as long as possible, and even then, I would probably only have one. I never thought I would have two.

"Wow. I'm surprised you felt that way."

"I think most moms-to-be feel that way."

Well, you're a good mom."

"Thanks. And you will be a good mom too."

Today, I knew exactly what to do and say. I was calm, reassuring, and confident. And that is exactly how a good coach should be.

My Skinny Dress

2006-08-15T12:50:00.000-07:00

Four years ago, I was in desperate need of clothes. Keep in mind that when I got married I weighed 155 pounds. At that time, I weighed about 185 pounds and was busting out of everything I had. Not to mention, I had given birth to two children by that time as well.

So, my mother and I went shopping for clothes. Target was the destination. I had never been to a Target before, and my mother raved that it was the best store to shop at. It was indeed a fine store. I felt it was much more upscale than where I usually shopped, and the prices weren't all that bad either. Everything seemed to be labeled in red and white, which I came to understand is their signature color scheme. It was extremely similar to Walmart, except that things just looked of better quality.

After looking at a few other items that didn't pertain to clothes, we headed right for the best bargain rack of all...the clearance rack in the Women's Department. As I looked through the rack, I came across a red velvet dress. It had an empire waist cut, with the velvet being from that point down, and the top was a cotton/poly blend that was lined with red velvet on the sleeves and collar. And let's not forget that it was marked down to $3.00. How could I resist such a great deal?

There was only one problem...it was a large, and I needed at least an XL. There was no way I was going to fit into it. Despite my dilemma, I bought it anyway. It was just so pretty and so cheap that I just couldn't resist buying it. I assured myself that I would be able to wear it in no time and that this dress is just what I need for motivation to lose weight. Of course, that would not be the case. I did lose some weight, but eventually I began to gain weight again, about 20 pounds to be exact.

So the dress became known as "My Skinny Dress." Once a year, I would try it on to see if it fit, knowing good and well it wouldn't, but I just had to try it on anyway on the off chance that it would magically look good on me. I would look in the mirror and think, "Oh I can't wait to be able to wear this." Then, I would take it off and put it right back in the closet until next year.

Last night, I was in a great mood. I was not only excited about the weight I have lost and that I didn't gain any over vacation last week, but also because David said I could join a gym right down the road from our house. I have checked out other gyms and they were ridiculously priced. First, you had to pay an enrollment fee, which was $150.00. Then, you had to sign a contract that bond you to that gym for a year. And lastly, there was a monthly fee of $29.95.

Well, I found a gym that beats all that. Elyse and I are going to join a new gym where there is no contract or enrollment fee and is only $24.95 a month, which is practically unheard of. The gym is also a women's only gym and has equipment that will work out each muscle group. And if we sign up now, our membership will not change as the gym grows. Needless to say, you just can't beat that.

Thinking about toning my muscles at this new gym made me think about the weight I am about to lose. I have it planned out. There are approximately 13 weeks left until the holidays. If I lose just two pounds a week, I can lose 26 pounds, which would put me at 148 pounds. WOW!!! I haven't been that skinny since 9th grade. I just sat there a minute. I can do that. I have already lost 31 pounds. I can do it.

Poor David. When I get excited I also get chatty. I began to tell David my news. He supported me, but also wanted me to remain confident even if I didn't see the results I anticipated. I also began to try on clothes that I haven't worn since winter, which I also subjected David to being apart of. He didn't seem to mind that part and seemed very pleased with what he saw.

One of the first things I tried on was none other than "My Skinny Dress." I pulled it over my head and knew instantly that it fit. I stepped out of the closet and over to where David was and he said, "Wow babe. That looks great on you." I quickly ran to the mirror to see for myself. Sure enough, it fit. After all this time, I can finally wear the dress I have been dying to wear.

The best part is that by the time I will get the chance to wear it, which will be in December, I will have lost more weight. Hopefully, the 26 pounds I calculated. It will no longer be "My Skinny Dress." I will have to give it a new name. Then again, it is like giving your dog of 4 years a new name. It just doesn't work. I guess it will always be "My Skinny Dress."

Thirty pounds ago

2006-07-31T11:03:00.000-07:00

As of this week, I have lost 30 pounds. This past year has been one of the hardest years of my life. I almost lost my marriage due to an intimate, but not sexual, relationship. I was not only over weight, but the person I was becoming needed to change. So, I have made some drastic changes, which have all been for the better. My weight loss is one of the changes people can physically see, but I have also made changes on the inside.

Thirty pounds ago, I was first and foremost fat. I kept lying to myself and making excuses as to why I couldn’t lose weight. I ignored the fact that I wasn’t exercising like I should and that I wasn’t eating as healthy as I should. I thought that I could just take a pill and my weight would disappear. I did not have any will power to stand up to my weight gain and take control.

Thirty pounds ago, I was insecure. I did not feel attractive, which led me to seek the approval and attention from anyone and everyone. I began to be sneaky and dishonest. Because I wanted everyone else’s approval, I didn’t think what I wanted was important and the things I liked became a distant memory. Someone once told me that in High School I was a "free spirit." I did my own thing, whether it was Karate or playing the Tuba or wearing ties. The Kellie 10 years ago did things to please herself and didn’t care what others thought.

Thirty pounds ago, I was meek and submissive. My insecurity made my self worth dwindle and made me weak. The boldness I once had was gone. I went with the crowd and was too afraid to say what I thought or express an opinion of my own. I was too afraid of someone not liking me. I have always been a person who likes to please others, but I began to go to extremes to please people, forgoing pleasing myself.

Thirty pounds ago, I had friends. Over the past couple of years, I have lost many friends due to my deconversion from Christianity. I used to have countless friends. The thing I realize now is that they were not my friends because of who I was, but because we shared the same faith. Losing friends added to my despair, which also led to my continual weight gain. Again, I needed the attention I once had from my "friends," and now that was gone. I began to question myself. Am I not a good friend? Why doesn’t anyone want to be my friend anymore? What am I doing wrong? I didn’t have the strength within to be grateful for those around me who DID care for me (i.e. my husband). I took for granted those who loved me despite my beliefs.

Thirty pounds ago, I was unhappy. Not only with my weight, but with the person I was becoming. I didn’t know how or have the strength to get out of the hole I had dug myself. I tried to put on a happy face, but on the inside I was miserable. Looking back I see that I complained all the time but never really did anything to change.

Thirty pounds ago, I got attention from the wrong place. Instead of turning to the one person who knows me best, I turned to someone who did not have my best intentions at heart. This person gave me the attention I was craving and was willing to listen to my problems without a judgement. He made me feel attractive and desired. Phone conversations turned into secret lunches, which is where it stopped. My saving grace was that David found out after a few lunches.

Thirty pounds ago, I felt my life was coming to an end. I was sure my marriage was over. I felt so alone in the world. If I have ever been close to suicide, it was then. The only people I could call were my parents. Their love has surpassed any wrong I have ever done. If it wasn’t for their consolation and saying I could come there if I needed to, I would have had a nervous breakdown. I didn’t eat for days. I would just lie around and stare at the ceiling. The only things that kept me going were my kids and my schoolwork. I had to put on a happy face and force myself to get through it.

Thirty pounds ago, I was honest for the first time in a long time. David and I talked and talked. I had nothing else to lose, so I bore all to him. I didn’t even try to plead with him. I knew he wouldn’t believe a word I said to him anyway. We both loved each other, which made it so hard. I could not believe I was so stupid. I could not believe I had let myself get to that point. I knew exactly who was to blame...ME. Some tried to make me feel better by telling me David had a part in it too, but I knew who really bore the brunt of all the problems. He told me that I destroyed the "special" marriage that we had. It was at that moment I realized the magnitude of what I had done.

Thirty pounds ago, I changed. I began to put my life back together. I refused to let self-pity enter my mind. I was not going to be selfish anymore. There were certainly more important things in my life to be concerned with. I consumed my life with volunteering at the kids school as well as concentrating on my own schoolwork. I also wrote a list of things that make David happy. The number one thing on that list was honesty. I carried that list with me everywhere I went.

Thirty pounds ago, I got the best news of my life. David got a new job, which meant we were going to move. I was getting away. I would have the chance to start over. I also decided to face my obesity head on and to stop making excuses. I learned to trust in David and appreciate him. I also didn’t let the fact that I didn’t have many friends interfere with my potential success. I learned to be grateful for those people I did have. I gained a whole new appreciation for my family.

And now, 10 months and thirty pounds later, I am thinner, happy, bold, secure, honest, forthright, and appreciative. My marriage is great. In fact, it is better than it has ever been. I am in love again, and I feel loved again. I even have a friend. Her name is Elyse, and we exercise together several times a week.

As motivation, I carry around a "fat" picture of myself from last year. I like to show it to people so they can physically see the improvements I have made...and yes to also get their approval. But more than that, I keep it with me to remind myself who I was back then. When people see that picture they comment how it doesn’t even look like me. Well, I sure hope it doesn’t. I don’t want to be that girl ever again. She is ugly to me physically and emotionally.

I don't think I will miss those thirty pounds. As far as I am concerned, they are gone for good. Now I must focus on the next thirty pounds I have to lose. I have confidence in who am now and what I can accomplish. I am "toning" my body. Or should I say "tuning"..."fine tuning."

Our new home

2006-07-31T10:19:00.000-07:00

I have been in my new home for a month now. I love it. It is so big. I have a small yard, a garage that is big enough to park my van, a garage door opener that I can press as I am on my way out or just coming in, a large kitchen with all new appliances, a living room, a dining room, a family room, closets everywhere, a loft, a guestroom, a bedroom for each of the kids, a huge master bedroom, a large shower, etc. Needless-to-say, there is plenty of room in this house. One of the best features of the house is that there is privacy. If we have company, there is always somewhere to go if you would rather be alone.

Stacy and Linus are also extremely happy to be in a house again, after 8 months of being in an apartment. They have their toys back and their own rooms. They also have other kids to play with now. There are about a dozen kids their age in the neighborhood. Stacy and Linus ride their bikes daily. Stacy likes to ride her bike up to the development office and say hello to the ladies. She even painted them a picture.

The neighborhood is also a good place to take a walk. Every week there is something different to see. There is currently 15 houses on our street. When all is said and done, there will be 75 houses on our street. And by next summer, we will have a pool and tennis court. This indeed will be a great place for the kids to grow up. I look forward to hosting many parties and having family and friends stay over.

I may have many regrets, but all that is in the past. I am determined to be a better person, wife, mother, and friend. My head is up, my confidence is rising, and I will face the future with eagerness and anticipation. This home is a fresh start for me. It is new and clean, and so I will liken my life to it. My life is new. I have a clean start. On my door I will hang a sign that says "Welcome." To friends and family it will mean, "I am glad you came. Come on in. My house is your house." But to me it will mean, "Welcome to your new life. It is yours...take it." Carpe Diem...Seize the Day.

A place to call home

2006-06-02T13:03:00.000-07:00

We have been patiently waiting to move into our new house for the past four months, which is in the process of being built. Since Christmas, we have been living in an apartment on the third floor. At first, it was a furnished apartment, compliments of my husband's new job. However, we had until March to find a place to live.

So, we found a realtor and started the process of finding a house. Our realtor was great, even David liked her. She set me up online to search for homes. I could enter in search criteria and add homes I liked to "My Favorites." Then we went and looked at a dozen or so, but none of them fit what we wanted. There always seemed to be something we didn't like...bad driveway, house next to a train track with trains that were known to come through several times a night, not enough room for a pool table, great yard but terrible house layout, etc, etc, etc.

After a month of looking at property after property, we found a development near the kid's school. It was a brand new development. In fact, no one lived there yet. We liked the fact that:

1-The development was going to have a pool.
2-Our home would be within walking distance to the kid's school, 5 minutes from David's work, and 7 minutes from the highway.
3-The house plan we liked was perfect for us and was reasonably priced.
4-The yard would be small and come with two trees, 9 shrubs and sod in the front yard.

So, we signed a contract at the end of January with a tentative closing for June. Of course, that meant that in March we had to do something about the apartment. Should we get our stuff out of storage? What can we live with/without? We decided we would "rough it" by sleeping on air mattresses, using camping chairs and TV trays, and by borrowing kitchen necessities from my mother. We did get David's office chair and the TV trays out of storage, but everything else stayed. Fortunately for me, my sister decided to move back home with my parents. So she let me use her TV, some towels, and kitchen supplies until we move into our new house.

The funny thing is that David and I had an unexpected result from our sleeping arrangements. It has turned out to be the best sleep both of us have had in years. The kids slept in their tents for a while, but now sleep on the air mattress or the floor. My mom came over not too long after the furniture was "taken away" and was distressed. She asked me what I was going to do without this and how was I going to go without that. I assured her that I had done this many times and I knew how to go without and make do. My mother-in-law has a saying that goes like this, "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without." She taught me a lot about making do with what I had.

Also, every year David, the kids, and I go to the beach. David's uncle has a beach house at North Myrtle Beach. It is very old and small, but it is only a few blocks from the beach and is perfect for us. It has two bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen, and living room. It is probably 600 sq feet, and you can't run the hot water heater and the air condition at the same time or it will blow the circuit. It has some of the amenities of home, but not as nice. I usually bring my toaster and coffee pot from home. I bought a croc pot to stay there so cooking would be easier. Anyway, my point is that I know how to make do. Things have been fine. It makes life simple, which is something I don't mind.

Now it is June. We have sold our house in Statesville, saved up all the money we need for closing, and bought furniture for the new house. We are so excited, and are sure our family is tired of hearing about it, but this is the kind of house I have dreamed of having. I can't wait to have a place for the kids to play and ride bikes, a yard that will take only 20 minutes to mow, a fireplace to watch and relax by, privacy upstairs when there is company downstairs, and a house for the kids to grow up in and with. Once again, I will have a place to call home.

I had a great day

2006-05-25T17:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a great day. We officially sold our house in Statesville, which has been on the market since Christmas. However, we didn't even celebrate until the closing was over. Our first offer fell through after a few days, which we had celebrated right after we signed the offer agreement. So this time we were more guarded about our celebration until we knew it was a done deal.

I was so anxious yesterday. I usually walk in the evenings, but I was so nervous that I went ahead and walked first thing in the morning. Then I did some schoolwork and figured out how I was going to write an essay that is due on Monday. Over the summer, I am taking an online Microeconomics course. I was having trouble expressing the production possibilities curve for the US and France over the past 10 years with regard to the labor force. But after doing a little more research and reading further into the chapter it clicked.

The only bad part of my day was finding out the our former neighbor did not remove our swing set, which he offered to throw away for us since he had a flatbed trailer. David and I had to go to Statesville and tear it down ourselves. Actually, David tore it down and I watched him. I did hand him the tools that he needed and hauled the broken pieces to the truck.

The evening with my in-laws was even pleasant. My relationship with them has been tense for 8 months now, but last night felt like old times. What I had to say was actually acknowledged, I was in charge of getting drinks, and I was looked to for approval upon a joke telling.

Daniel Powter has a song that is played quite often called "Bad Day." It has been the theme song for American Idol this year and has really hit home for me. But yesterday I wanted to sing that song by saying "I had a great day". I would like to end my blog with the lyrics to this song.

Where is the moment when we need it the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue sky's faded to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carrying on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carrying on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carrying on

Going blonde

2006-05-17T17:15:00.000-07:00

For the first time in my life I am blonde. And I don't mean figuratively. My hair is blonde.

I have been considering highlighting my hair for the past couple of weeks. A month ago my friend Elise, who has dark hair with blonde streaks through it, had frosted hair, which I thought was so pretty that I wanted the same thing done to my hair. She told me she would help me do my hair and assured me it was really easy.

So yesterday I went to the store in search of a hair color kit. There were so many shades to choose from, but I just wanted a frosting kit. I didn't want to be too extreme and go all the way blonde. I just wanted highlights...right? On the top shelf was a frosting kit for dark hair. I had a coupon for $2.00 off of any Loreal color product. So that instead of paying a hairdresser $80.00, I would only paid $8.00 and just do it myself. What a great deal this was going to be!

Now I know better than to think I can look as good as the girl on the box, but I just couldn't help thinking, "Oh that's it. That's how I want my hair to look. I can't wait." Now instead of waiting on Elise to help me, I jumped right in.

When I got home, I opened the box, inspecting everything that was in it, and looked for the instructions. Yes, I am an instruction reader. I always read instructions so I know exactly what to do, which is another blog all in itself. Anyway...it listed four ways you could go about highlighting your hair; by framing the face, all over highlights, crown highlights, or tip highlights. I wanted the all over look.

The kit comes with everything you need to color your hair. It even has gloves. It also has a color-coded cap. The cap has holes all over it, but some of the holes have gray circles around them. To get the look I wanted, I needed to either pull my hair through every gray circle or every other to every third hole. Now Elise suggested that I do every other hole at first, so I would have a subtle look. She was afraid I would freak out if I did too much at first. But there were so many holes in all that I figured just doing the gray circles would be fine.

So I pulled strands of hair through the holes, not sure how much hair to pull, but pulling enough to fill the holes like the box said. This process took me two hours, and I even had to get David to help me with the back because I couldn't quite reach or see the holes. While he was doing the back, I began to mix the chemicals. It looked like white icing and it smelled pretty good, as hair products go.

The instructions said to cover the whole strand with the paste mixture. It was all right to be generous. Once all the hair had been covered with the paste, I had to cover it with a plastic cap and let my hair "process" for a while. Now the box said for dark hair I should let it process for 60 to 70 minutes. It also said that I should periodically check it to make sure it is processing correctly. Well I did one of those things. Can you guess which one? After an hour I went to the bathroom to see what I had done.

Now was the moment of truth. Without removing anything, I could all ready see that my hair was blonde and couldn't wait to wash my hair and see how the brown and blonde looked together. Well apparently I pulled a lot more hair through the holes than I thought. I was blonde all over.

WOW!!! What a difference. I looked like a totally different person. The kids had gone to bed, but David was still awake. After washing and drying my hair, I called David in to look at the new me. He just looked at me with a big grin and didn't know what to say. He did say it would take some getting used to and that he would weigh in tomorrow after I had fixed it.

This morning I got up and took a shower and washed my hair. Yes I washed it. Your not suppose to wash your hair for a couple of days, but I can't stand doing that. Even when I get perms I wash my hair the next day. I got dressed and fixed my hair as I normally do.

The verdict is in. David says it looks like I am blonde with brown highlights. Stacy says it's weird but she likes it. Linus loves it. And I love it as well. Who knew going blonde would be so dramatic, but it is. I can't wait for my family to see it. I don't know if they will like it or not. But it is like every other change in life, eventually you adjust to the new reality.

It is finished

2006-05-11T11:04:00.000-07:00

On Monday, I conquered one of the hardest subjects I have ever taken...Calculus. I took my final exam and aced it. Even though I passed with a "C", I am happy and proud of myself. If I were to take it again, I would have an "A" no doubt.

I have always enjoyed math. In Algebra, everyone went to me for help. I was "the nerd" of the class. Actually, I am considered "the nerd" in most of my classes. Except for Calculus. I was not the nerd in this case. Many of my fellow classmates had already been exposed to Calculus and were "A" students. One of them had failed Calculus three times, but needed it to graduate. I was in the middle.

I have always been afraid to take Calculus. I was afraid I would not be able to understand how to do it and that it would be way over my head. There were times when I did feel that way, but I learned how to do it and how to apply Calculus in the business world. I feel like I have really accomplished something that many people do not.

When I went to sign up for a class in the summer, one of the counselors said to me, "Wow. You are a glutton for punishment. You are the first accounting student I have ever seen to take Calculus in all my years as a counselor." He went on to say that most accounting students want to do as little math as possible, which doesn't make any sense to me. If you are going to be an accountant, you have to love math, and Calculus does help.

I don't know if I will take a higher Calculus class. At this point, I don't have to, but I may when I transfer to a university. I will not be afraid of it the next time. I will hold my head up high with the confidence that I can do it. I may need a tutor, but I will not give up because I know I can do it. But for now...it is finished.

Friends of gold

2006-04-01T17:39:00.000-08:00

Not only am I turning 30 this year, but I also have two friendships that will turn 20.

My first friend is Ruth. We met somewhere in elementary school, but didn't become best friends until the 5th grade. We did everything together. I went on her family vacations and she went on mine. We dressed alike, would finish each others sentences, would miss the bus on purpose so we could watch soap operas together, etc, etc, etc. More importantly, she taught me that it was okay to drink soda at dinner instead of milk and that you didn't have to wear your bra to bed. Most of my teenage years were happy due to her friendship. We did have an upset around our senior year and did not talk for quite sometime. But when I got married 5 years later, we started talking again. Now we both are married and have kids, so we don't get to see each other as much, but we try to schedule "Girl's Night Out" a couple of times a year.

My second friend is Darryl. We met during swimming lessons at Thousand Trails Campground. We were both staying there a week. We hung out the whole time, going from activity to activity. Not to mention all the putt-putt we played. At the end of the week, we exchanged addresses. Such was the start to years of correspondance. We saw each other again when I was 15. We really liked each other, but he would pick on me constantly, which I hated in a boyfriend. So, we eventually decided to just be best friends. We have kept up with each other as much as we could over the years, attending graduations and weddings, calling about the births of our children or about martial problems/divorce. The last time I saw him in person was at my wedding 9 years ago. Next weekend, I am going to visit my grandparents. He happens to live right down the street from them now. I am so excited about seeing him. He is also going to bring his 6-year-old daughter and new girlfriend for me to meet and he will get to meet my children.

When I think about my experiences with each of them, I feel like I led two lives because each of them had such a distinct relationship with me. Then again, I guess that is how frienships are, special, unique, and reveal different sides of your personality. With my sister-in-law Camilla, the gossipy, vulgar Kellie comes out. With my sister, the know-it-all, counseling Kellie comes out. With David, the submissive Kellie comes out. With Missy, the motherly, outgoing Kellie comes out.

There are many friendships I have had along the way that were special to me, but most of them are lost. I wondered if they were even real friendships to begin with. Real friends would keep up with each other and make ways to see each other, right?. But then David pointed out to me that those friendships were real because at the time they were real, even though circumstances changed and the friendships were lost.

I have mentioned being bitter at religion over the roles of married couples. Well, I am also bitter at religion because of friendships. In my wedding, I picked bridesmaids that were of the same religion as me, with the exception of family members. I should have picked my childhood friends, like Ruth. Now, those friends I had as a Christian have forsaken me because I am an atheist. My true friends have turned out to be those that didn't depend on religion. They liked me for me and not because a religious piece of paper told them to.

I am happy with my circle of friends...they "complete" me. In girl scouts, we would sing songs, one of which has been my motto for friendships over the last two years. It goes like this

Make new friends but keep the old

One is silver and the other gold

Let's go for a walk

2006-03-23T11:19:00.000-08:00

David recently discovered a creek that runs behind our apartment building. I had no idea how pretty it was until he took me there this past weekend. It was breathtaking. I would never have thought that a creek like this would exist in the city of Greensboro.

To get to the creek, we walked about a quarter of a mile until we came to a small patch of woods. We made our way through the fallen limbs and thistle to the bank of the creek. The creek had huge rocks on the bank and smaller ones scattered about, which created a nice waterfall. The sound was so soothing. All along the creek were trees with exposed roots traveling down into the water. Some of these trees were rather large and oddly shaped. David and I sat down on the rock, while the kids and Drew, the dog, ran around, hopping from one rock to the other, trying not to fall in the water. We did not see any fish, but we did notice some clams, which is something I did not expect to see in a freshwater stream.

Looking up stream, we could see more rocks, and so, we decided to go check those out as well. Before we got to the next set of rocks, we came upon a section of the stream that was calm. The water was clear for the most part. A tree had fallen over the creek and had landed on top of another tree on the other side of the creek from where we were. David was going to try and walk across, but I insisted that he not do that. The kids made fishing poles and dipped them in the water in the hopes that a fish somewhere and somehow would bite the grassy bait they had put on the end of their poles.

Stacy and I picked some flowers along the way to the creek. I asked if anyone would like to make a wish, and Stacy and Linus both exclaimed, "I do! I do!" (Now, I don't believe that you can make a wish and it will come true, but it is fun anyway.) So, I pinched off a flower from the stem, told them to make their wishes, and then throw the flower into the water. Stacy made sure Linus knew not to tell his wish out loud. Both of their flowers landed perfectly in the water. Then it was my turn. I picked my flower, made my wish, and threw it into the water, but it landed upside down. Stacy said, "Well mom, I guess your wish won't come true." When they were not looking I did it again, and it still landed upside down. I guess it wasn't my day for wishes.

The rocks that we came to next went across the creek. David made his way to a large rock in the middle. Linus and Stacy tried their best to follow him. Even Drew wanted to go, but she landed in the water. Linus got too confident about crossing, and he landed a foot in the water as well. I stayed on the bank watching them. I was also looking at all the plant life that was springing up. There were several plants I had never seen before. Two of them I dug up and put in my pocket to plant at home, which are growing quite nicely.

Our trip to the creek lasted almost two hours. We had a great time. It reminded David and I of when we were kids and would play in creeks just like this one as well as the woods. We are building a new home, which is one of reasons we are living in an apartment. Our new home will have a creek and small patch of woods behind it. We are so excited and can't wait to move in. "Let's go for a walk" means more than getting exercise. It means "Let's go have fun."

Devotion

2006-03-18T16:45:00.000-08:00

There are three people in my life who I love more than anybody else in this world; Stacy, Linus, and David. These three people make everyday worth living. I have built my world around them. They are the people who I devote my life to.

My daughter, Stacy, is seven years old and likes to write notes. We have a dozen or so all around the house. They might say, “No boys allowed” or “Library” or “Stacy’s Animal Hospital.” Occasionally, she will write one to me. Once she wrote one while over hearing an argument between my husband and I. It said, “Dear Mom and Dad, I can hear the argument.” During Valentines, she had to write about a person who was sweet to her, and she wrote about me. It said, “A person sweet to me is my mom because she is very special to me, even if she is mean.” I asked her about the “even though she is mean” part later and she clarified her remarks by telling me, “Well, you do yell at me sometimes.”

My son, Linus, is six years old. He is not nearly as creative as Stacy is, but he is sweet and friendly. He tells me sometimes, “Mom, you are the best mom in the whole wide world.” When I ask him why I am the best, he replies, “because you do stuff for us and you get us stuff.” Linus is a lot like me when I was a kid. He gets up early and is ready on time. He constantly reminds Stacy that she needs to hurry up. To avoid being in trouble he will tell people what they want to hear, which we are working hard to correct.

My husband, David, is the most important person in my life. We have known each other for almost 11 years; nine of those years we have been married. I am very bitter towards religion when it comes to the roles of marriage. As a Christian, I built up resentment towards David. I felt like I was always under his thumb. When we became atheists, one of the first things he did was to apologize for all the years of dominating me. Our marriage has had several hurdles to overcome, but we have made it through.

I love and appreciate him more than ever before. It means a lot to have a husband who is totally devoted to me. It helps me to be a better person and makes me feel like I am not alone in this world. Now that we are atheists, we don’t have many friends. Most of them are still Christians, so they don’t want to or can’t hang around us. I used to think I needed lots and lots of friends to be happy. I now understand that I was fooling myself and have learned to be content.

I have been devoted to many things over the years (school, band, karate, church), and even though these things have enhanced my life, none of them really matter if I am not devoted to the people I love the most. I could be the best piano player in the world, but would get an applause at the end of my performance that would only be for a moment. I want to build a lifetime of memories of being a devoted mom and wife.

Who am I?

2006-02-04T16:24:00.000-08:00

I am a mother. Everyday I get up and get them breakfast. I make sure they get dressed and brush their teeth. I have their bookbags ready as they head out the door to the bus stop. I make sure they have a snack waiting on them when they get home from school. I make sure they do their homework. I help them keep their rooms clean. And when they go to bed at night, I tuck them in, give them a hug and kiss, and tell them I love them. I am their protector and encourager.

I am a wife. I fix him breakfast, on most mornings, before work. I make sure he has a lunch to take with him to work. I give him a hug and kiss and tell him to have a great day. When he comes home, I fix supper, and we all eat together. We watch our favorite shows, which I usually fall asleep watching. We go to bed, cuddle and tell each other "I love you." I am his companion and lover.

So, who am I? I am a woman who is very fortunate and who has a lot to be proud of.

Like Her

2006-01-17T12:39:00.001-08:00

Why can't I be like her?
With a slender body, 36-B breasts, pouting lips, and hair to die for.
Why do I want to be like her?
To feel desire or passion?
Or is it that I don't want to be me?
To be like her would be an escape from being like me.
For she appears to be far more beautiful.

My Chronicle so far

2006-01-16T12:10:00.000-08:00

I turn 30 this year. I never thought I would reach this age and would have a problem with doing so. I always thought I would take life with stride. However, as I look inward, I see that I am not coping so well.

I look at pictures of myself as a child or a teenager and think, "What happened to that girl?" I was one of those people in school that everyone knew. I was nice to everyone and always had friends. I played the Tuba in the band and took Karate for 8 years. I didn't care if what I wore to school was in or out, I wore the things I liked. The same rules applied with friends. I seemed to gravitate to people whom no one else wanted to befriend.

I was a born leader, to my demise sometimes too bossy, but I was a natural. I was the first one to volunteer for activities or to speak. I would take control of a situation and jump in and help clean or organize where needed. I was assertive, but polite, and had a lot of confidence in myself.

However, somewhere along the way I changed. Over time, my assertiveness and confidence dwindled away. I would take a step back from situations and wait to be asked to help or until I couldn't stand watching everything fall apart and then offer to help. Instead of being secure in who I was, I became very insecure about everything. Does this person like me? Have I gained too much weight? Does my hair look right? Am I saying the right thing?

So here I am. I am about to turn 30. I have many years of regret behind me but many years ahead of me that are full of promise. I plan on reclaiming my assertiveness and confidence by finding that girl inside of me that I have pushed aside for so long. She will be the one to rescue me, and she will be the one who won't care what anyone else thinks. And even though I haven't seen her in a long time, she will welcome me with open arms. Yes, it will feel good to see her again, but more than that, it will feel good to be her again.